


Your eyes say go, leave it all behind

by MarsBar2019



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Body Worship, Dancing, Dirty Talk, F/M, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Goblin Mom Nott, Inappropriate Use of Mage Hand, Light Angst, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Pining, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Realization, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Wet Dream, no beta we die like men, this is soft y'all, we stan service top Caleb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-20 05:48:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 37,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22179097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarsBar2019/pseuds/MarsBar2019
Summary: Caleb couldn’t say for sure when he began seeing Jester in a different light. He had always known she was beautiful, certainly, but gradually, he began noticing things he hadn’t noticed before.E rating for Chapters 1, 2, 4, 6, 7
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 66
Kudos: 388





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from Barlights by FUN
> 
> This is my first smutfic so comments, kudos and feedback are appreciated!
> 
> *UPDATE: This is shaping up to be a longer, more slow burn fic as it develops - there will be more than 2 chapters!

Caleb couldn’t say for sure when he began seeing Jester in a different light. He had always known she was beautiful, certainly, but gradually, he began noticing things he hadn’t noticed before.

On the road, when she raised herself into the cart and her skirt rode up, revealing smooth, strong thighs, his pulse quickened and a blush rushed into his face. When she laughed, and she was always laughing, Caleb couldn’t take his eyes away from the fullness of her mouth, its roundness enticing. Once, when they were all seated together in a crowded tavern, after a few ales, he found himself leaning imperceptibly towards those plump lips, wanting to taste them; when he remembered himself, his face began to burn and although he was sure nobody else had noticed, he excused himself and rushed upstairs.

Of course, what really attracted him was Jester herself, her cleverness, her love for things that were useless as long as they’re fun, and her boundless breeziness that swept through any room she entered. More than that, even, Jester’s power: he watched in awe when this little blue woman destroyed their enemies in combat, her whimsical spiritual weapon betraying the vast ocean of power pulsing inside her. Caleb knew, each time her intense gaze met his and his heart sputtered, that he was smitten.

Tonight, he muses over this inconvenient turn of events, nursing an ale in the corner of the Leaky Nip, while his friends laugh and clown around next to him. At the moment, Jester is spinning in the center of the tavern floor, arm in arm with Beau, the two of them laughing and dancing to the organ music filling the air. Beau is surprisingly graceful, a function of her monk training, Caleb supposes. She sweeps Jester around the room, light on her feet, and Caleb’s eyes can’t help but follow Jester, her dark blue waves falling over her cheek, her eyes closed and smile wide. He wishes he could make her smile like that. But, he thinks with a grimace, sipping his ale, there is little good someone like him could bring her. Despite the ache in his chest, he was content to watch as others brought it out in her, and bask in her resulting glow.

“What do you think, Caleb?” a warbling voice asks him, and Caleb snaps out of it, looking down at the big-eared goblin to his right.

“Ja, Nott, about what? Sorry, I was thinking.”

“I want to learn to shoot a longbow but Cad says I’m too short!”

“Why do you want a longbow, Nott, when you are already quite good with your crossbow?” he asks, frowning in confusion.  
  
“Well I think it would look very cool,” Nott says, jumping up on her chair to mime using a longbow. “Yasha could throw me, and I could fly through the air and TAKE ‘EM OUT!” Her dramatic demonstration does little to affirm the wisdom of the idea.

“You could do that now, with your crossbow,” Cad insists.

“Little one, I’m sure if you could find a fletcher who would make a bow for someone your size, you could learn to use it very well,” Caleb placates, returning his gaze to Jester and Beau as they finish their dance, Beau sweeping Jester down into a dip. Caleb’s heart skips at the sound of Jester’s giggle pealing through the air, clear as a bell. No, he certainly did not deserve to even be looking at her this way. The sheer force of her personality, her power, her beauty, was too much to take in without a tight ache thrumming in his chest. Caleb drops his gaze down to his hands, winding his fingers around his glass, searching for something else, anything else, to look at.

Beau heaves herself down onto their table’s bench, letting out a dramatic sigh. Jester throws her arms around Beau’s neck and plants a big kiss on her temple, which forces Beau to crack a smile.

“Thank you for dancing with me, Beau! You are so talented! That must be why you get all the girls,” Jester says, wiggling her eyebrows. Beau scoffs but blushes a bit, unable to deny it.

Caleb finds a blush coming to his cheeks as well when Jester slides up next to him on his side of the table and puts her hand in her chin.

“What are you doing, Cayleb?” she asks innocently. “Reading?”

“Ah, nein, Jester, just enjoying the night with you all. Why do you ask?” He can hardly get the words out, his heart pounding in his ears with her face so close.

He notices, not for the first time, the dusting of freckles that reaches from her nose, over her collarbone, disappearing in the low neck of her dress. An image enters his mind, unbidden, of tracing those freckles with kisses, touching each one with his lips lovingly and seeing how far they spread, his tongue tracing the freckles down the gentle swell of her breast-

“So you are free to dance with me then!” Jester says, clapping his hand in hers. Caleb is sure he is red, feeling caught in the act, though he knows nobody can see the shameful thoughts that were just running through his mind.

“Jester, I am an old man, I am afraid my dancing days have left me,” he demures, feeling his heart drop as disappointment crosses her face. _Good job_ , he thinks, _leave it to you to dim her light._ “Surely you would like to dance instead with someone young and handsome, like Fjord.” Jester gazes up at him through her lids, biting her lower lip in a silent plea, a move he would swear was intentional if the thought of her flirting with him weren’t ludicrous. Fjord raises an eyebrow from across the table, but says nothing in response to Caleb’s suggestion.

“Cayleb, I want to dance with _you._ You are still handsome, even if you are sometimes a little stinky, _”_ Jester teases, resting her head on his shoulder and her soft hair brushes against his jaw. Despite his beard between them, the touch feels magnified, and a faint scent of sweet apples wafts up. If he wasn’t bright red before, there is no doubt in his mind now. The rest of the Nein is looking at him, waiting for him to reply, and he feels himself begin to panic under the intensity of their expectation. _Are you really going to let her down, simply because you can’t control yourself?_ He clears his throat and nods.

“Ja, alright.”

Jester jumps up, and for a moment Caleb admires her seemingly endless energy, hardly able to drag himself up from his seat, let alone dance. _But_ , he thinks, _perhaps dancing with her will make her happy, make her smile like she did before_ , and the thought energizes him to follow her out to the space in front of the organ.

Though the thought of fulfilling her wishes makes him happy, he is thoroughly unprepared, now that he’s out here, for being so close to her. Jester laces her fingers in his left hand and presses herself close to him, her other arm on his shoulder. Caleb feels like he’s almost forgotten how to breathe, as the opening notes of a simple, but charming, waltz ring out from the organ.

He knows he is being rude, staring straight ahead and not looking at Jester, but his breath is coming shallow and he fears that her gaze will be too much for him. Jester reaches out gently for his right hand and places it on her waist.

Caleb is stiff, but allows his training, albeit many years unused, to kick in. While Caleb’s brain might be short-circuiting, his body still remembers how to do this. Gently pulling at Jester’s waist, he signals her to allow him to lead, wanting her to let go and enjoy herself. Surprisingly, she lets him.

After half a minute of forcing himself to breathe normally, Caleb looks down at her face, which is turned up towards him, eyes bright and wide, her mouth slightly open with the barest hint of a smile. His heart skips when he realizes how close she is, his mouth just inches away from hers. He catches himself smiling as well as he twirls Jester around the room, her happiness infectious.

“Cayleb, I didn’t know you could dance so well,” she says, her fingers still tightly laced in his.

“Ah, well, when I was at the Academy I was forced to learn these things. It was important, evidently, that we were able to impress generous benefactors and powerful people at formal events.”

“Did you get to dance with lots of famous, rich ladies? I bet you were a very eligible bachelor for all of those fancy girls.” Jester grins, raising her eyebrows suggestively, and Caleb blushes fiercely. A memory comes, of sneaking off with some baron’s daughter at a gala to find an empty room, the memory so old now that only flashes remain, hands tangled in hair, mouths on fire, hands sliding under his shirt - but those, he reminds himself, shaking his head slightly, belong to the boy, Bren. The man, Caleb, did none of those things. _At least there is still enough of him in there to remember how to waltz_.

“Ja, a few. But none so lovely dancing partners as you, Blueberry.”

When Jester rests her head against his shoulder, Caleb prays she can’t feel the rapid pace of his heart, and what feels like only a minute later, the waltz ends. Jester pulls away and Caleb’s heart sinks at her absence, knowing his opportunity to hold her is over. When he searches her face, and she won’t meet his gaze, his stomach twists. What did he do? He must have been too bold with his compliment, or maybe he held her too close. Somehow, she must have felt the longing in his touch and it repelled her. How could it not have?

Jester raises up on her tiptoes and brushes a soft kiss against his cheek.

“Thank you for dancing with me, Cayleb,” she says, much less enthusiastically than she had thanked Beau. _Even this, you can ruin._ Caleb’s face burns and he clears his throat.

“Of course, any time. I - I am going to retire.” Without waiting for a response, or even to say goodnight to the rest of the Nein, he flees up the staircase to the room he is sharing with Caduceus.

Nobody else has gone to bed yet; it is still quite early. Caleb unbuckles his book harnesses and tosses them on the floor beside him, climbing into bed. Turning over to bury his face in a pillow, he groans loudly.

_Get it together, Widogast. What are you, sixteen again? Just leave her be. She’ll be much happier with someone else._

Rolling over again, he replays his dance with Jester, trying to understand what he did wrong.

_Does there need to be anything you did? It’s probably just you. She probably came to her senses and got out of there as soon as she could._

He felt ashamed for having thought about her like he had been, about her body, her beauty. Her light was so bright, and his dark shadows were so hungry. He would only dim it. She deserved someone less broken, someone good, and his chest tightened at the thought of what she would say if she found out he had been chasing her touches, thinking of her skin against his, her curves laid out beneath him.

_Dirty old man._

He snuffed out the candle with a flick of his wrist in frustration, and grimly settled into a restless sleep.

_The candle in Caleb’s hand drips wax onto his fingers, but he can hardly feel it against the chill of the air around him. He has been wandering these dark, dank passageways for what feels like days._

_Increasingly desperate, he began putting markers on walls as he passes them, thinking he must be going in circles. Despite this effort, he does not see any of the markers again._

_Gradually, however, as he ascends through the halls, he begins to feel warmer. There is light, somewhere, and though he cannot quite see it, he can feel its presence. Caleb moves towards it more quickly, hope spiking in his blood._

_He begins to see more signs of life, more sconces on the walls, and he is getting warmer and warmer until he finally reaches a large wooden door at the end of a hallway._

_Caleb is so grateful for an escape route, he doesn’t bother knocking or even checking for traps, he simply throws the wooden door open but furrows his brow in confusion when he sees what is inside._

_A chamber of rooms, well decorated but foreign in design, opens in front of him. Caleb notices the room is uninhabited, the fire in the grate nothing but cold ash, no candles or torches lit in the sconces. The chill and exhaustion he had been fighting since he escaped his cell sinks deep into his bones, and it is all he can do to remove his coat and boots and snap a fresh fire into the fireplace. He knows his time here will be limited, he will have to leave the castle, but for now, he is alone, and he needs strength for the journey ahead._

_Caleb would like nothing more than to drop to the rug right in front of the carpet and fall asleep, but he uses his remaining willpower to drag himself up, pull his silver thread out of his pocket, and begin warding the room. At least, when he is discovered by whoever put him down in that hole, he will have a few seconds of warning._

_As he strings the thread along the walls, muttering incantations, he stops at the bed and is about to climb over the mattress to stretch the silver across, when he hears rustling and his heart leaps out of his chest._

_A form, unnoticed before, stirs between the sheets and Caleb instinctively drops to the floor, hoping to at least get an opportunity to surprise his enemy first._ Scheisse _._

_Above him, Caleb hears the figure rise and get out of bed, padding across the cold floor. He begins drawing the sigils in the air for a Hold Person spell, something that would buy him some time to make an escape. He freezes when he sees soft blue feet shuffle over towards the fireplace, and the tension in his shoulders relaxes when he realizes the person in front of him is Jester._

_At the same moment, she turns and jumps, looking at him with surprise._

_“Oh! Cayleb! I didn’t know you were here.”_

_He doesn’t quite know what to say, certain he looks like a fool crouched next to her bed with his silver thread between his fingers. Caleb can’t help but stare at her, drinking in the image of her, flushed from sleep, hair mussed, wearing a short, silky, dark gray nightgown with lace trim. Once his brain caught up to him, he stands awkwardly, unsure how to explain himself. Jester smiles curiously and saunters over, her tail swishing back and forth._

_“What are you doing in my room so late at night, Cayleb?” she teases, drawing her finger down his chest in a way that gave him goosebumps._

_Caleb reaches for her hand and at the same moment, Jester swoops her arm around his neck and pulls him in for a hot, passionate kiss. Flustered, he brings his hands to her waist but otherwise is too surprised to lean into it. When her tongue snakes past his lips he lets out a low whine, instantly embarrassed at his need._

_Jester’s tongue explores his mouth shamelessly, and after the shock fades he presses into her hungrily, his tongue chasing hers. Her fingers tighten where they’ve clenched his shirt and Caleb’s hands grow bold, stroking her back, drinking in the feeling of her hot skin under the thin silk._

_For a moment, his brain, constantly whirring, constantly worrying, stops, and he only feels. Jester moans into his mouth, the sound making his cock stir between his legs. Caleb wants to make her make that sound again and again._

_He reaches up to her chin and tilts her head away just slightly, so he can sit on the bed and mouth at her neck. Jester grabs at him desperately, carding her fingers through his hair. Caleb wraps his arms around her tightly and sucks into her, a hot bolt of possessiveness shooting straight to his cock when he watches a dark bruise start to bloom on her freckled skin. He stiffens even further when she moans, low and long, and tugs on his copper hair._

_Teasingly, Caleb runs his tongue over her collarbone, eliciting a small keen from Jester that intensifies when he brushes a scarred thumb around the curve of her breast. She pushes him down onto the bed in impatience and climbs on top of him, looking down in surprise when she feels how hard he already is._

_“Oh…it seems like you’re enjoying yourself.” He smiles at her wickedly, blushing._

_“I am enjoying_ you _, liebling.”_

_Jester seems to like that response, as she settles her hips back onto his, forcing a low groan out of Caleb at the sudden contact. He involuntarily pushes his hips up into her, squeezing her thick thighs, and she squeaks in surprise, giggling at the sensation._

_The straps of her nightgown are already down around her arms, so Caleb reaches underneath, sliding his rough hands up her sides to lift the silky garment over her head. He is lost for words in that moment, his eyes taking it all in. They’ve been naked around one another before, of course, but that was not the same. Then, there was a purpose, then it was with everyone else, and Caleb always averted his gaze from his friends’ bodies when they were in the bathhouse together. Now, Jester is on his lap, hot and wanting, naked for his eyes alone._

_Biting her bottom lip with a teasing smile, Jester rolls her hips against him, drawing out another groan, this one more urgent than the last._

_“Jester!”_

_“What?” she asks innocently, batting her eyelashes and dipping head head for a kiss. He playfully smacks her ass, not enough to hurt, and grabs a handful of her, squeezing and moaning into her mouth. Based on the shudder of her hips against him, she likes the feeling._

_She pulls away, crossing her arms over her freckled breasts, and for a moment, Caleb panics, thinking he had already ruined it, already done something she didn’t like-_

_“This seems very unfair,” she huffs._

_“What do you mean, liebchen?” He sits up, the haze of lust clearing away, and he takes her hands._

_“I’m naked, Cayleb, and you still have your clothes on!”_

_The tension in his body releases and he takes her face in his hands to kiss her again, savoring the softness of her lips._

_“Would you like me to take them off?”_

_“Yes!” she insists._

_“You can have me however you like, Jester,” Caleb murmurs against her jaw. He is kissing and biting hungrily again at her flushed neck, which is now sporting more than a few of his marks._

_With permission given, Jester reaches up under his shirt and yanks it over his head, impatient. She pushes him down on the bed again - he makes a mental note to return later to the thought that her ability to overpower him sends more blood rushing straight to his cock - and runs her fingers through his chest hair, eliciting delightful sensations under Caleb’s skin._

_He responds by cupping her breasts, careful not to catch her on his calluses, gently stroking the buttery soft blue skin. She whines and continues stroking his chest, following the hair down to his stomach and the touch is almost too much, the slight drag of her nails against his sensitive skin._

_When she reaches down and tugs on one of his nipples, Caleb almost jumps out of his skin, and accidentally squeezes Jester’s breasts hard. She gasps, and he feels the ice cold drench him again, pulls his hands away, worried he’s hurt her. Jester pinches one of her own nipples, teasing it to fullness, and the sight is so erotic that he feels himself leaking; even more so when she places his hand firmly on her breast and whispers, with a nip at his ear, “More.”_

_He moans and gladly obliges, palming at her ample breasts, letting his calluses swipe over her nipples when he notices how it makes Jester breathe in sharply and grind against him harder. Still circling her hips on his, she takes one of Caleb’s hands and guides his fingers to her mouth, sucking and licking them in a way that turns his mind to the ache between his legs._

_“Oh, Jester,” Caleb groans, and she responds with a moan around his fingers that goes straight to his cock. “Jester, tell me, what do you want? I want to please you, let me make you feel good.”_

_Jester gently pulls his fingers out of her mouth and leans down to whisper in his ear, “I want to see your face covered in my cum.” Feeling his hips jerk up at the sound of her filthy words, Caleb is suddenly thankful for all of the smut she reads._

_“You can have anything you want, Jester,” he mumbles as he places rapid kisses over her shoulder and neck. Caleb slides out from underneath her, regretfully, and repositions himself so Jester is kneeling over him. She looks confused for a moment, until Caleb gestures for her to lower herself over his head, and suddenly, despite her nudity and all they had been doing a moment ago, she is shy._

_“Are you sure you want it though, Cayleb? Like this? What if I don’t taste good?”_

_He looks up at her and strokes her hips._

_“Blueberry, it is not possible that I will not find your taste delicious.”_

_She smiles at the pet name and shyly kneels on the bed, her thighs on either side of his head. He is suddenly so close to her, his nose filled with her sweet, heady scent, and the curls of dark hair tickling his nose. Caleb presses a few soft, tender kisses to the inside of Jester’s thighs, moaning a little at how wet and sticky they already are. He takes his time, savoring every moment of exploring her for the first time, his fingers tracing the softness of her labia, gathering her wetness on his thumb and tasting her, ever so softly brushing against the spot he knows her clit is hiding. When he finally spreads her and gives her a long stroke with his tongue, Jester lets out a shout, almost collapsing on top of him._

_Caleb wished he could see her face right now. He wanted so badly to see her cum, when he brought her there. The moans and pleads for more leaving her now were hot enough, and he’d barely started._

_Burying his face deeper between her legs, Caleb set to work tasting and pleasing every inch of her, enjoying the way her thighs spasmed around his head when he took her clit into his mouth and sucked it. He was certain that his beard was wet with her slick and and felt another twitch in his cock when her wetness began dripping down his chin._

_Jester was practically riding his face now, almost unconsciously thrusting back to chase the friction._

_“Please, Cayleb!” she gasped, “More!”_

_He felt more than a little smug at having reduced this clever woman’s vocabulary to fragments, and replaced his tongue with his fingers, teasing,_

_“What do you want, liebling? You have to tell me.”_

_“Your fingers! Cayleb, please! I need your fingers inside me!” Jester begged._

_Caleb groaned and buried his face in her cunt again, this time slipping a finger into her entrance, using his other hand to squeeze her ass._

_Jester keened loudly, and Caleb couldn’t help but chase more of that sound, adding a second finger to his thrusts, and a third, all while working on her clit with his mouth._

_He was so distracted by the taste, the feeling, the wetness of Jester’s cunt, the delicious sounds she was making that he didn’t realize she had undone his laces until he felt the air hit his rock hard, weeping cock._

_“Don’t you dare stop,” she warned Caleb before taking his cock into her mouth and he practically shouted, pressing his face into her to muffle his noise._

_The sudden, intense heat of her, so like the heat around his fingers, was so overwhelming Caleb worried he was going to come instantly. Breathing deeply, trying to hold it together, he focused on pleasuring Jester, rolling her clit between his thumb and forefingers._

_Caleb did his best to maintain his rhythm for Jester despite the wet heat surrounding his cock, the noises her sucking made and the feeling of her tongue teasing at his head. He had to hold on, he had to make Jester come first._

_Stroking against the swollen nub of her G-spot, Caleb suddenly curled his fingers the way he remembered from so many years ago, the way that had always brought girls undone for him, at least in someone else’s life._

_Jester let out a shaky cry, moaning and shaking through her orgasm with her mouth around his cock. Caleb felt a gush of liquid over his hand and chin, lapping it up desperately to keep the taste of her on his tongue. He felt the hum of her moaning from inside her mouth and suddenly knew it was too late for him, managing to just pull her up gently by one of her horns before his cock began to release-_

Caleb suddenly jerked awake, sticky and covered in sweat. He had vertigo for a moment, feeling almost woozy.

Panting hard, Caleb came to and hot shame washed over his whole body when he realized he had an orgasm in his sleep. Not only that, he had an obscene dream about Jester, a woman too good to be defiled by his disgusting imagination, and another wave of shame overtook him. Blessedly, Caduceus was still not in the room, so he had the opportunity to deal with this before anyone else noticed.

He stripped off his shirt, soaked through with sweat, and used it to wipe the spend off his stomach with a grimace. _Gods above_ , he thought as he changed, _are you_ actually _sixteen again?_ He couldn’t remember the last time he had a wet dream. _What are you doing having dreams like that at your age? Especially not with someone like her. You don’t deserve that kind of happiness._

Just as he was pulling a fresh shirt over his head, Caduceus entered the room with a steaming cup of tea.

“Oh hello there, you’re awake,” Cad said pleasantly. “I noticed you were having a nightmare, so I went downstairs to make you some tea.” Caleb accepted the tea from Caduceus with a mumbled, “Thanks,” hoping the burning red of his cheeks could be explained away by the steam from the cup.

“Any time,” the firbolg said pleasantly, settling into his side of the bed. If he noticed the sweat stain on Caleb’s, he didn’t acknowledge it. “Those nightmares can be very real. I understand.”

Grateful for his friend’s tact (Caduceus was too perceptive for Caleb to pretend he didn’t have a good idea of what had happened), Caleb laid back down in bed, flinching as the cold wet sheets stuck to him. _Serves you right._ Despite the exhaustion of his orgasm, he slept fitfully.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning, when Jester awoke, she didn’t feel especially well-rested. It had taken her some time to fall asleep the previous night, tossing and turning with an anxious heart.

The next morning, when Jester awoke, she didn’t feel especially well-rested. It had taken her some time to fall asleep the previous night, tossing and turning with an anxious heart.

She was looking forward to getting back to her and Beau’s room at the Xhorhaus, her familiar and comfortable space. It was unusual for Jester to sleep poorly, especially from nerves, but her mind kept turning over the events of last night.

Jester would be lying if she said she didn’t have a bit of a crush on Caleb. He was handsome, and the raw power that burned through his veins made her stomach clench with awe and intimidation when he unleashed it on the battlefield.

She also enjoyed the way he treated her, with respect rather than condescension. Not that she felt disrespected by the rest of the Nein, but sometimes she felt like they didn’t take her seriously, with her penchant for pranks, candy and other childish pursuits. But that didn’t make her a child - she merely felt that one need not give up things that bring joy just because you’ve grown up. Caleb listened to her ideas and considered them carefully, reminded the others that she was capable and strong when they started to act like she needed protection, and trusted her implicitly when they got into trouble. He didn’t think her interests were silly, he liked smut and pastries just as much as she did, when he allowed himself to let loose a little.

But, she thought, it was a casual fancy. A little bit of flirting here and there was fun, just to see his pale skin flush red under his freckles and his clever mind stop, struggling to form sentences.

That was what she was doing last night, or so she thought - when she sidled up to Caleb at their table, pressing herself close to his side and watched his bright blue eyes widen in panic when she asked him to dance. Jester had pulled out all of the flirtatious moves she had learned from watching her mother, batting her eyelashes, biting her bottom lip, just barely brushing her cleavage against his arm while she pleaded with him to indulge her. She got a kind of wicked thrill out of watching Caleb squirm, his awkward deferrals and averted eyes.

But when Jester finally dragged the wizard up to dance with her, she was floored by the man who took his place. At first, Caleb seemed almost scared to touch her, so she took charge by taking his left hand in hers and wordlessly gave him permission by guiding his right to her waist.

All of a sudden, Caleb’s hunched shoulders and ever-present frown vanished, and he slid his arm around her waist with the utmost gentility. She was too surprised to even put up a show of wanting to lead, like she had the last time they danced together. For a moment, all Jester could do was let herself be led around the tavern floor, her heart stopping when he spun her at the right moment in the music. Glancing around, she saw many of the tavern’s other patrons watching them, and for once she felt like it might be because she - and he, the two of them together - cut a striking figure, rather than because she was a spectacle. Even the Nein was watching them, many of them just as surprised as her at Caleb’s grace.

When he finally looks down at her and smiles after what feels like an eternity, her mouth goes dry. _Say something! You’re just standing here looking stupid!_

“Cayleb, I didn’t know you could dance so well,” she manages.

“Ah, well, when I was at the Academy I was forced to learn these things. It was important, evidently, that we were able to impress generous benefactors and powerful people at formal events,” he explains.

An image enters her mind of a younger Caleb, clean-shaven, no worry lines etched yet around his eyes, red hair falling around his face, wearing a set of handsome formal clothes - blue, to match his eyes of course, that is what she would choose for him - holding his hand out to dance with a beautiful young aristocrat. She blushes a bit at the thought, hoping he doesn’t notice the purple tinge in her face.

“Did you get to dance with lots of famous, rich ladies?” Jester asks, trying to dispel some of the tension she feels with her teasing. “I bet you were a very eligible bachelor for all of those fancy girls.” She couldn’t help but smile when Caleb’s cheeks flush a deep red, but feels suddenly a little self-conscious of her plain dress, her clumsy dancing, the dirt stuck under her fingernails.

“Ja, a few,” Caleb replies, “but none so lovely dancing partners as you, Blueberry.”

Jester’s heart does a flip at the term of endearment, Caleb’s special name for her, and feels overwhelmed. She closes the gap between them, laying her cheek against his shoulder. Every inch of contact feels electric and she drinks it in: the feeling of his collarbone against her temple, the heat of his skin on her cheek, the scent of bay leaves and barley sugar that elicits a strange twist in her stomach.

When the music ends, far too soon for Jester’s liking, she feels sudden shyness take hold, and she steps out of Caleb’s arms, despite every muscle of her body crying out to lean into them. Jester can’t meet his eyes, but before she can stop herself, she steps up onto her tiptoes and presses as long a kiss as she dares onto his cheek. His beard brushes her cheek and the shiver goes right down her spine.

“Thank you for dancing with me Cayleb,” Jester says quietly, inexplicable dread washing over her at the strange sensation filling her chest and stomach. She doesn’t want Caleb to see her burning cheeks, sure that she’s very obviously violet, and turns away towards the Nein’s table, tail swishing nervously behind her.

From behind her, she hears his voice, softly, “Ah, of course, any time. I - I am going to retire.” Caleb’s footsteps hurry away, and Jester has a distinct sinking feeling in her stomach.

 _What are you doing? You made him uncomfortable. He isn’t interested in you, he was just being nice because_ you _asked_ him _to dance._

Jester settles quietly into her seat next to Caduceus and sips her milk. The rest of the Nein are deep in a debate about whether Yasha or Beau would look better if they had to dress up for a formal ball.

“This is easy,” Beau snorts, “Obviously I would wear pants and probably wear them better than every man in the room.”

“But if you _had to_ wear a dress,” Nott argues, “and pants weren’t an option. I bet Yasha would go for it, she loves flowers and pretty things!”

Caduceus raises his hand slightly to offer his take. “Beau’s scowl would probably ruin the effect.” Beau did a great job of demonstrating said scowl in that moment, directed at Cad. He shrugged noncommittally.

“Jester, you’re awfully quiet,” Beau says, “I’m surprised you don’t have an opinion to offer on this riveting subject.”

“Oh. Well,” Jester muses, “I think you would look very nice in a blue dress, Beau. But like, more like a separate skirt and top, so you could show off your abs. That’s very important.” Jester flips open her notebook to make a simple sketch for Beau. “You would get _all_ the girls that way. And Yasha should wear black, because she would look _super_ badass. And with a flower crown!” Jester smiles a bit at her little drawing, her mind off the growing tension in her stomach for just a moment.

Jester doesn’t say much more for the rest of the evening, too anxious to joke around with her friends, though she gives a few laughs when appropriate, and tickles some of her friends under the table with her tail, so none of them suspect anything is amiss. She really just wants to be alone to think.

When it is finally acceptably late for Jester to head up to her and Beau’s room, she practically runs up the stairs, throwing herself on her side of the bed with a heavy sigh. What was this stupid nausea stabbing into her stomach? She was beginning to worry that maybe her little crush on Caleb was blooming into something else, quite rudely without her permission. Sure, he was handsome, and kind, but he had always been handsome and kind. Nothing had changed. Except, it sort of had: she had never really looked at him like _that_ before. And it had never felt like _that_ before when he touched her.

Jester grumpily changed into her nightgown, frustrated that she couldn’t shake the nerves. It took her a long time to fall asleep, but she felt the comforting weight of Beau slide in next to her, not too much later, and eventually she drifted off.

~~~

Now, laying in bed this morning, Jester kept replaying the previous night. When she woke up, the nausea had dulled to an ache that she hoped would dissipate after breakfast. The worst part, if you asked her, was that Caleb had definitely noticed her strange behavior. That was probably why he rushed off so quickly after they finished dancing. _He’s too nice to say anything to you_ , she reminded herself. _He would just rather remove himself from the situation than embarrass you or let you down._ She felt nervous about seeing him again, but planned to just act normally and hope that he could just forget it. They had one more day in Hupperdook to shop and stock up before heading back to Xhorhas. She could manage that.

When she went down to the tavern, Nott and Beau were already downstairs, with a tray of fruit and bread in front of them, herby spreads and vegetable slices. Jester plopped onto the bench next to her friends, reaching out for a big piece of unfamiliar yellow fruit.

“Wow, this is amazing, guys! Where did you get these things?” Jester asked between bites.

“Cad knows where to find all kinds of vegetable shit,” Beau groused. “I was kind of looking forward to some bacon but he requisitioned the kitchen at ass o’clock and told the owner he wanted to ‘surprise’ us with a big healthy breakfast.”

“Oh, well that is so sweet of him,” Jester said. “I should go ask if he needs help.”

Jester rose from the table and went to the kitchen where she found Caduceus boiling water for tea and slicing cheese to bring out to the table.

“Good morning, Jester!”

“Good morning, Deucy!” she gave him a big side hug since she still had fruit in her other hand. “Do you need any help with this?”

“No, I think I’ve just about got it, but thank you for so kindly asking.”

“Of course, it is so nice of you to make this for us! What made you want to do that?”

“Ah, well,” Caduceus said, carefully pouring hot water into his teapot. “Mister Caleb had a difficult sleep last night and so I thought maybe the rest of the group did as well. Perhaps a bit too much drink and rich food over the last few days hasn’t been so good for us. I thought we could use a nice healthy start to our day, filled with good things from the Mother’s earth.” Jester smiled a bit when she pictured Beau trying to argue with Caduceus that pigs were, in fact, also from the Mother’s earth.

“What do you mean a difficult sleep?” she asked, trying to sound casual.

“Oh, nightmares I think.” Caduceus didn’t look directly at her. “Best not to mention it.” Jester wondered, silently, whether or not she had caused him stress and brought the nightmares on. Best not to follow that train of thought.

“Oh, yes, of course. Can I bring these out for you?”

“If you wouldn’t mind, I would greatly appreciate the extra hands.” Caduceus smiled lazily at her. Jester took the steaming tea tray from him and exited the kitchen, placing it on their table just as Caleb and Fjord came down the stairs.

“Gods I was really hoping that would be bacon,” Beau groaned. Jester grabbed a slice of squash and waved it in front of Beau’s nose, wrapping her arm around the monk’s shoulders.

“Go on, you can do it, Beau, it’s just a little vegetable!” Beau flinched away and scrunched up her nose, leaning into Jester’s teasing. Jester pressed the squash up to Beau’s mouth, wheedling, “Go ahead, open up little Beau! Vegetables will make you grow big and strong!” Beau finally smacked the offending squash out of Jester’s hand and tickled the tiefling’s side, making her collapse on the bench next to Beau with giggles.

It was only then that Jester noticed that Fjord and Caleb were sitting down at the table. Caleb already had a book open in front of him, warding off conversation, but a small smile quirked up at the corner of his mouth. Jester felt her pulse quicken again when she saw him, and quickly averted her eyes, not wanting to spiral into that yucky anxious feeling again.

“So,” she said to the table, forcing herself to sound bright and casual when Caduceus joined them. “What are everyone’s plans for the day?”

“I was going to stock up on some of these lovely vegetables for our trip home,” Caduceus offered. “They’re quite fine and it would be nice to have some fresh healthy food on the journey.” Beau tipped her head back and sighed.

“You know, Caduceus, don’t you think jerky would be much better for traveling?”

“Well I’ve never tried making jerky from lettuce before, Beau, but isn’t that a nice idea? Perhaps when we return to Xhorhas I will try it out.” Caduceus smiled pleasantly at her and Beau, for once, had nothing to say in return, merely throwing up her hands and turning back towards Jester.

“I’m not much one for shopping,” Fjord said, “so I’ll probably stay here and make sure the horses and cart are ready for the trip. Are you going to Pumat’s, Caleb?”

Caleb glanced up from his book at Fjord. “Ah, ja, probably. I would like to get more ink before we go.”

“I think you probably keep Pumat Sol in business with your paper and ink purchases, Caleb,” Nott said. “It’s very nice of you.” Caleb smiled again, briefly, eyes returning to his book.

“Well, little one, I need these things for my spells, and Pumat can supply them, so it is a mutually beneficial arrangement.”

“What are you doing today, Jester?” Nott asks.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she shrugged. “I might buy some more paints, or maybe go to the bookstore. I don’t really need anything right now but who doesn’t love to go shopping?”

Fjord raised his hand.

“Besides Fjord.”

Fjord lowered his hand.

~~~

A few hours later, Jester was in downtown Hupperdook with Nott and Beau, having purchased more crossbow bolts for Nott, walking into the town’s only bookstore.

“I guess this isn’t the most _literary_ city,” Beau murmured to Jester, “based on how hard it was to find this place and the fact that we’re the only people here.”

Jester bit back a laugh and nodded, looking for the romance section. She was almost finished with her current book, and the trip back to the Xhorhaus would take about four or five days, so she wanted something to read for the long hours in the cart.

Given the size of the store, it wasn’t difficult to locate the smut. The first title she pulled out, _How to Outfox a Warlock_ , featured a voluptuous halfling woman, dark-skinned, with thick, flowing black hair, lying in the grass with a muscular, red-skinned tiefling man above her, their noses touching like they were about to kiss. Jester was surprised to see a smut book with a tiefling on the cover, and put that one aside as a potential purchase.

The second, _Two of a Kind_ , had two female half-elves on the cover, identical twins, with dark chocolate eyes, pale skin and curly chestnut hair. In the background, looking wistfully at them both, was a brass dragonborn man, flames curling up the side of his snout. The magical fire made something flip in Jester’s stomach, but she grimaced and put it back. That one looked like it might get weird.

The third book she chose, _Sinbound,_ didn’t have a woman in it at all, so she put that back. The next, _Degree of Fancy_ , starred two women, so she put it aside to buy for Beau. The next book she knew she had to get for herself as soon as she pulled it out. _Trapped in Lace_ had a tiefling woman with deep, burnt orange skin on the cover, touching foreheads with a very handsome half-orc. Jester never saw tiefling _women_ in romance novels; she hesitated, thinking that if Fjord or someone saw it, it might be a bit on the nose. Things were good between her and Fjord now, and she didn’t want him to think she still had a crush on him. _Well,_ she thought, _I’ll just have to keep it in my pack or something._

Jester bought _Trapped in Lace_ and _How to Outfox a Warlock_ for herself, figuring the latter was safe to read around her friends, and _Degree of Fancy_ for Beau. She carried her wrapped packages excitedly back to the tavern, chatting the whole way back with Beau and Nott.

When they arrived back to their room to put their purchases away, Jester drew out _Degree of Fancy_ with a flourish and presented it to Beau. When Beau saw the cover, a dramatic rendering of a blue-eyed, boyishly built human woman with curly black hair, dressed in a half open shirt and breeches and clutching a blonde, pale-skinned dwarven woman in a flowing orange dress, she furrowed her brow.

“What is this?”

“A gift, Beau! For you!”

Beau smiled even as she blushed.

“Thanks, Jes, you didn’t have to do that.”

“I know I didn’t _have_ to, but I wanted to. I thought you would like it!”

“Sure thing,” Beau said, holding the book up to read the back. “I guess this will help pass the time on watch.”

Jester beamed with pride at her excellent selection; Beau was clearly pleased.

“I’m gonna go see if I can use the basement for a bit of working out,” Beau said, winding her wraps around her hands. “I’ve been sitting on my ass too much in this city.”

“Okay! I’m going to get a snack but I think I’ll probably be up here until dinner. I want to read my new books and use some of my paints.”

Jester hopped down the stairs, two at a time, to the kitchen, where she found Caduceus inspecting his purchases: more cheese, a sack of nuts, little orange fruits she hadn’t seen before, and some strange roots that smelled spicy when she got close to them.

“This is an interesting haul,” Jester remarks, unsure what Caduceus could possibly make with this motley assortment.

“Don’t worry, there’s more,” Caduceus laughed, low and rumbling. “These are just the more delicate things that I would like to pack separately.”

“Oh, okay. Well, I just came down for a snack, I won’t bother you!”

“Oh, there are some pastries here, if you’d like,” Caduceus offers. Jester gasps.

“Pastries! I didn’t know we had pastries!”

“Mister Caleb bought them earlier, I believe.” Her heart skipped a bit at the thought - maybe he had thought of her when he was out. “He said any of us should feel free to enjoy them. I don’t care for the sweets, so you can have mine if you like.” _Obviously,_ her inner voice said, _he’s just nice. He didn’t think of you especially._

Jester reached into the bag Caduceus proffered and pulled out a fresh bearclaw, dusted with cinnamon. “Thanks, Deucy! These are my favorite.”

“Well, isn’t that nice then. The thanks should go to Caleb, not to me.” Jester didn’t know what to say, so she shoved the bearclaw in her mouth and began to walk back towards the stairs.

“Okay, well, I’ll see you later then!” she called, running up to her room with her half-eaten bearclaw.

Ninety minutes later, cinnamon dusting her dress, Jester was _finally_ getting to the good stuff in _Trapped in Lace_.

_Darvin gasped as Orianna pulled him out of his breeches, already half-hard, her forked tongue running over his silky soft skin. He had not expected his new captain to take to him this quickly!_

Jester rolled her eyes at the cheesiness, but what was she expecting?

_Groaning when she took his manhood-_

Ugh, Jester hated that word.

_-into her mouth, he reached down and stroked her hair, where her horns met her scalp._

Jester felt heat start to gather between her legs. She loved having her horns stroked….

_Orianna sighed around his enormous member-_

Ugh.

_-her mouth stretched wide by his girth. She began moving up and down Darvin’s length, her lips smacking against the head when she pulled back. She loved the feeling of his rough hands carding through her hair, rubbing the sensitive skin where her horns protruded._

_Orianna pulled off Darvin’s dick with an obscene popping sound, one that made him shiver with desire. He couldn’t hold back any longer, lifting Orianna with his thick, trunk-like arms and tossing her on the bed._

Jester bit her lip and looked at the door. Beau probably wouldn’t be back for a little bit at least. She began to palm at her breasts, pulling on one of her nipples, the sensation sparking pleasure all the way down through her stomach.

_Darvin flipped Orianna onto her front, pulling her hips up to lift her bottom into the air. She mewled, wiggling her hips to entice him. Darvin kneeled on the floor of the cabin, and dove into her heat, licking and sucking with gusto. She moaned, long and low, feeling so exposed and enjoying the pleasure his mouth was bringing her._

Jester’s fingers slid up under her skirt, pushing aside her underwear and dipping into the wetness pulsing beneath. She found her clit and started to rub herself slowly.

_Darvin flicked at her nub and brought more desperate sounds out of her, sliding a finger inside her tight passage when she began to get closer to her peak. He didn’t stop lapping at her folds, teasing her with his talented tongue. When Orianna began bucking her hips back, practically begging for him to fill her up, Darvin suddenly stood up, removing his hands, much to Orianna’s protests. Slapping her ass, he flipped the tiefling over, eyes roving over her hungrily, enjoying the deep red flush spreading from her cheeks down to her breasts. He leaned down and whispered in her ear,_

_“I want to watch you come apart for me.”_

_Orianna felt herself clench at his words, spreading her legs further. Darvin slipped his thick fingers back into her, driving her relentlessly towards her climax, the first, she suspected, of several he would give her that night._

Jester stifled a whine, her fingers working furiously at her clit, bringing her closer to her own orgasm.

_Orianna snaked her tail up Darvin’s back, running the spade-like tip through his wavy copper locks, thrusting up into his clever wizard fingers, and she was finally driven over the edge when she noticed her juices had wet his chin and soaked through his beard-_

Jester stopped, suddenly, on the brink of finishing, and shook her head, needing to reread that paragraph.

_Orianna snaked her tail up Darvin’s back, running the spade-like tip through his wavy black locks, thrusting up into his rough pirate fingers, and she was finally driven over the edge when she noticed her juices had wet his chin-_

Jester groaned in frustration, and tossed _Trapped in Lace_ aside. _Fuck it._ She was too far gone to care about anything other than finishing what she’d started.

She slid her fingers into her dripping wet cunt, using the fingers of her other hand to rub her clit. Behind her lids, she saw Caleb bending over her, sucking bruises into her neck, felt his hot skin against hers, his hands stroking her thighs, heard his voice whispering in her ear, _“You look so beautiful like this, kätzchen,”_ pictured his eyes closed in bliss with his face buried between her legs, and with a soft cry, Jester came, spilling out over her hands and onto her bedspread.

Panting, she regained her composure and immediately began to inspect her skirt and the bedspread beneath her for evidence of her activities. Her skirt, which had been rucked up around her waist, was clean, but there was a spot on the bedspread. Jester sighed and flipped the quilt over, hoping that Beau wouldn’t turn it back and see the stain. Having settled that, she snatched a change of underwear and walked quickly down the hall to the washroom.

Once she dried off and she was confident that her hands smelled clean, Jester looked at herself in the mirror. _You can’t do that again_ , she thought to her reflection sternly. _He doesn’t want you thinking about him like that. He’d be so embarrassed if he knew. It’s not fair._

Her stupid brain wasn’t giving her much of a choice, messing up her books with its nonsense. She smoothed out her skirt, grabbed her sketchbook and made her way downstairs to see if her friends had come down for dinner. The only member of the Nein in the tavern’s dining room was Caleb, and Jester froze on the stairs, hoping she could potentially retreat back upstairs. But as soon as she became visible on the staircase, Caleb’s eyes flicked up from his book and she knew he had seen her. _Okay. Act normal._

He returned to his reading with renewed intensity, burning holes into the page with his gaze. Jester meandered up to their corner table casually, her heart threatening to jump out of her throat. She couldn’t help but feel like Caleb knew what she had just done, even though of course there was no way for him to.

She climbed onto the bench across from him, a purposefully safe distance to be friendly but not close enough to be too friendly.

“Ah, hello, Jester,” Caleb said, barely looking up from his reading. “Is the rest of the group joining us?”

“Oh, uh, I’m not sure. I came down to see if everyone was here, but I guess not. But don’t worry, I won’t bother you. I brought my paints.”

“Ja, thank you, I do appreciate reading with…quiet…company.” He glanced up and gave her a small smile. Jester felt a bit of a blush creep up her neck. _Just. Act. Normal._ The image came back into her mind again, those bright blue eyes looking up at her from between her thighs, closing with contentment as he tasted her-

Jester coughed into her elbow, giving herself a reason to turn away and opened her sketchbook to begin something new.

“Ah, I forgot to tell you,” Caleb said, reaching down onto the bench beside him. “I bought these, when I was out earlier, I hoped, ah, thought, you might like them.” He offered her the bag of bearclaws, and she shook her head.

“Oh! No thank you!”

“Oh,” Caleb said, his face dropping a bit. “You do not like these?”

“No no!” Jester reassured him. “They are my favorite! I just had one earlier and I wanted to make sure there is enough for everyone.” She was certainly imagining the relief on his face.

“Ah, alright, that is very considerate of you.”

“But…Cad did say I could have his, since he doesn’t like sweets. So maybe I will have one.” Caleb pulled a bearclaw out of the bag and handed it to her. Jester couldn’t help but smile when her fingers brushed his, especially when she remembered where-

_Stop it!_

Jester munched on her bearclaw while she made a new drawing of the Traveler, decorating his cloak with a map of Wildemount, the places they had been so far. She brushed cinnamon pastry crumbs off her drawing and noticed, out of the corner of her eye, Caleb watching her over the top of his book. Jester didn’t meet his eyes, but bit back a smile and basked in the warmth of his gaze.  
  
“Are you alright, Jester?” Caleb asked quietly. Jester looked up, surprised, and his eyes were firmly back on his page.

“Um, I think so, why?”

“I just mean that you have actually been quiet since you sat down. And you haven’t tried to draw a dick in my book even one time. That is not like you.”

“Oh, well, I guess I am just tired. I didn’t sleep very well,” she said, shrugging.

“Ah, okay. Well I hope you will get a good night’s sleep tonight. Caduceus has some tea for insomnia that works quite well, and I am sure he would make some for you before you go to bed.”

Her heart warmed at his concern, and she felt a prickle of sadness at the knowledge that Caduceus made this tea for Caleb often. Jester finally lifted her head to meet his eyes.

“Thank you, Cayleb.” She paused. “But since you _did_ kind of challenge me-“

Jester jumped up, armed with her sketch pencil, and tried to yank Caleb’s book out of his hand. He managed to keep it in his grasp, but she turned the book towards her, giggling, and attempts to draw a very rudimentary dick shape before he wrests it from her.

“It is not my finest work, I have to say,” Jester says solemnly, leaning on her elbows over the table. When she looks up for his reaction, she realizes that she is, just like last night, very close to him. She could, if she wanted, kiss him with just a slight lean forward-

“Ah, well,” Caleb clears his throat awkwardly, turning his eyes back down towards his book, “I will certainly treasure this early work of the future famous artist Jester Lavorre. Perhaps someday it will be worth a lot of money.”

She sits back down on the bench, and the smile he is trying to hide behind his book doesn’t escape her notice.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter isn't smutty, but I promise the wait for the next will be worth it!

Early the next morning, the Nein saddled up to head back to Xhorhas. Jester awoke to Beau’s huffing breaths as the monk ran through her exercises on their bedroom floor.

“Sorry Jes, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Beau grunted, “but I suppose we should get a move on anyway.”

Bright-eyed and already packed, Jester skips downstairs, the first of the Nein in the tavern dining room. It’s a dreary space first thing in the morning, many of the spills and tankards of the previous day’s revelries left overnight, the room devoid of life.

Within a few minutes, the rest of the group follows her, regret over the agreed-upon departure time of sunrise already etched on their faces.

Jester knew, from many cranky interactions, that she was the only member of the Nein that could be described as a “morning person”. Beau awoke early for workouts only by necessity, and Caduceus, while happy to wake early, preferred to spend that time in meditation and silent contemplation. Keeping that in mind, she tried not to start any conversation, jumping into the cart with Caleb, Caduceus and Beau while Nott and Fjord took the first shift up front.

It was difficult to keep her twitchiness at bay on these long trips, so she turned her back to the rest of the Nein and tried to draw some of the scenery passing by. That quickly fell out of favor once the sun had fully risen because the road was just trees, and trees, and more trees.

As the rest of the Nein came to full consciousness, Jester was able to pass the time playing card games with Nott, and spent a few hours with Beau on the front of the cart. This was Jester’s least favorite part of traveling, the repetitive scenery and endless jostling in the wagon.

As the sun began to hang low in the sky, Jester was occupying herself by laying on her back and gazing up at the clouds, trying to imagine creative pictures they made, when Beau perked up, muscles tensing.

“Hey, Fjord,” she said quietly. “Do you see that?”

Fjord was instantly on guard, looking where Beau gestured. Jester raised herself up on her elbows and peeked over the side of the cart.

It took a moment for her eyes to scan the forest line, but she saw three large, lion-like creatures galloping across the road ahead. They were curiously small, almost Frumpkin’s size, from their position on the road, but Jester had a sinking feeling in her stomach that these creatures were, in reality, much larger.

The Mighty Nein immediately lifted themselves into defensive positions, and Beau slowed the horses as quickly as she dared. _Please make them just pass by us,_ Jester prayed to the Traveler, _Don’t let them notice us…_

Unfortunately, luck wasn’t with them. Though Beau had managed to stop the horses quietly, the manticores smelled the prey on the air and immediately turned towards the cart. A terrifying pause held in the air before all three, instantly, began to sprint towards the cart.

In a flash, Beau and Fjord leap out of the wagon, staff and sword at the ready. Jester, Nott, Caleb and Caduceus hesitate a moment, until they realize that the manticores are heading straight for them, and the four ranged fighters scramble out, scattering in different directions.

Fjord meets the first manticore with a deep slash in the chest, a feral scream tearing from the beast’s throat. Jester’s head snaps to the left automatically, spotting movement, and she sees Caleb spread molasses over his hand and cast _Slow_ ; the manticores roar in frustration, unable to attack with their usual speed.

Beau’s fists are moving in a flurry, too fast to keep up, and blood sprays from the mouth of a manticore, teeth flying to the ground. Jester summons her spiritual weapon, swinging the giant lollipop at one that was rearing up behind Fjord to attack.

The horses, frightened by the assault and the resulting fray, take off towards the forest, dragging the cart behind them. Jester manipulates her spiritual weapon to aid Fjord and Beau in battle, beating whichever beast looks most wounded.

When she turns to keep one of the fleeing manticores in her sight, struggling to aim the swings of her lollipop against the animal’s weaving, erratic pattern, it takes her a moment too long to realize it is headed straight in her direction.

“JESTER!”

Her head whips around towards Caleb’s voice and barely has time to drop to the ground before a flaming orb erupts from his blackened hands. The air around her crackles with heat, the blinding fireball slams the manticore in the flank, sending it, burning and shrieking, skidding across the gravel road.

Jester, adrenaline running through her veins, leaps back up to her feet and sends her spiritual weapon flying into the head of the remaining manticore, surprising the beast enough to stop it from stinging Beau with its venomous tail. The manticore’s head snaps around with a sickening _crack!_ and it falls, limply, to the ground.

The air is still for a moment as the Nein looks around, assessing their injuries, checking on their friends. Jester begins to feel the ache in her back from throwing herself to the ground, and realizes slowly that her cape is badly burned, smoldering at one ragged edge. She pats it out quickly. _If that’s all you’ve come out of it with, count it as lucky_.

Jester turns to her left, ready to thank Caleb for his quick thinking, but the words die on her lips when she sees him standing there, hands still outstretched, gazing vacantly at the smoking remains of the manticore. Her heart drops and her throat starts to tighten. He’s gone away again, sunk into whatever that place is that he goes to when he unleashes the fire that burns inside him.

_He risked going to that place to save your life._

Caduceus moves towards Caleb, gently wrapping a large arm around his shoulders and guiding him back towards where the cart had been.

“Is anyone hurt?” Nott asks, reaching out to take Caleb’s hand when the group reassembles.

“Yeah,” Beau says, clearing her throat. “I got caught by those fuckin’ claws.” She twists with a grimace and Jester sees two angry red gashes splitting Beau’s side. Jester wraps her arm around her best friend and presses her hand to the wound, her heart aching at Beau’s sharp intake of breath. Closing her eyes, Jester focuses on directing healing energy into Beau’s body and the wet, ragged lacerations knit closed under her fingers. “Thanks, Jes.”

“You’re welcome, Beau, the Traveler gives me this stuff for a reason.”

Jester’s eyes fall on Caleb again, eyes downcast, still not speaking, body stiff. The ache in her chest clenches harder.

“Oh, I think the cart is over there!” Jester announces, pointing in the distance. Fortunately, the horses and cart remained at the edge of the forest, having sprinted from the danger as far as their legs could carry them. The Nein slowly starts to make their way towards it, Caduceus still supporting Caleb on one side and Nott on his other, her small hand protectively grasping his.

The blazing sun is dipping under the tree line by the time they reach it, and Beau clears her throat, looking around at the group.

“Maybe it would be best if we camped for the night.”

“Are we worried at all about more of those things?” asks Nott.

“I’m not sure we need to,” Fjord says, “A pack of manticores is unusual enough. They don’t often come in groups larger than two. It’s not like we would be likely to come across a den.”

“Alright, I feel comfortable camping down, if the rest of the group does,” Nott responds, looking anxiously at the faces of the rest of the Nein. Everyone else nods their assent and an hour later, having found a suitable clearing, Jester and Nott set to work building a fire. The pain in Jester’s back dulled to a throbbing ache, and settling down next to the fire, she finally starts to feel the exhaustion in her bones.

Caleb hardly seemed to move, but he managed to cast the dome around them. Jester hoped he might be coming back but he remained hunched over his knees, arms wrapped around them, staring blankly into the campfire.

Jester enjoyed these evenings with the Nein, listening to them tell stories of their exploits from before the group came together, playing games and telling jokes until tears spill out of Jester’s eyes. Nights like these, when nobody was hot on their tracks, when they weren’t running from any danger, were the memories she carried with her when things were dark and the future was dangerously uncertain. Nights like these, except for one thing.

Jester glanced, from time to time, over at Caleb, copper hair gleaming in the firelight, blue eyes dark and glassy. Seeing him like this made her stomach twist, and knowing it was because of her was even worse.

Eventually, stories were punctuated with more and more yawns, and one after the other, the members of the Nein spread out their bedrolls and dropped off to sleep.

With the protection of the dome, only one person took watch at a time now. Jester doesn’t feel like sleeping, so she offers to take the first shift. At first, she takes out her book, trying to read, but her eyes keep drifting over to the wizard, still catatonic. She wanted to comfort Caleb, but she didn’t know what would help him in this state. When she was upset, she cried, often loudly, and sought consolation from her friends, needing to be held and touched. Jester thrived on contact with others; she didn’t think that was what Caleb needed right now.

Jester bites her lip and wrestles with her guilt. She was pretty sure Caleb could hear and see them when he was like this, and she thought she’d feel even worse if he thought she didn’t care enough to try.

Quietly as she can, Jester scoots over to Caleb, just barely touching his arm with hers.

“Cayleb?” she whispers, “I’m going to read to you, okay? If you don’t like it, or you want me to stop, just like, try to make a noise, or give me a tap or something.”

His eyes flicker towards her for a moment, and Jester isn’t sure what that means: does he want her to continue, or is that the sign that he wants her to go away? _You’ve caused him enough pain as it is_ , _you’re probably bothering him more._

“Okay, well, I haven’t started this book yet, so I don’t know if it’s any good, but you can read it with me and we’ll find out together, okay?”

Jester clears her throat and softly begins to read _How to Outfox a Warlock_ , a dramatic story about Trym, the halfling witch, and her forbidden romance with Melech, the tiefling warlock. Jester can’t resist adding her own commentary to the cornier parts, even burying her face against Caleb’s coat at one point to stifle her giggles.

She isn’t sure how long she is reading for, but Trym and Melech are having a saucy argument about magic that Jester is sure will turn into a hate make-out, when she glances up at Caleb’s face and notices that his eyes are closed, a small smile quirked at the corner of his mouth. Warmth blooms in her chest and she smiles too, hopeful that her reading has maybe brought him back a little bit.

Now that her attention is drawn away from her book, she notices that he has slumped into her shoulder a bit, and his breath comes deep and even.

Unable to help herself, Jester reaches up and tenderly strokes his hair, so grateful that he is sleeping peacefully.

“You know, Cayleb,” she whispers, barely audible even to herself. “You maybe saved me today. I mean, I am totally strong and probably could have handled that manticore myself, but it would have really messed me up. And I wouldn’t look cool with a big scar on my face like Fjord.” Jester sighs, feeling her heart patter a bit harder over how close Caleb is, the warmth thrumming under his skin, the scent that is uniquely him, darkly sweet and herbaceous at the same time, filling her nose.

“I know you know that I’m strong. But I do need some help sometimes. I feel stronger knowing you have my back.” She nuzzles her nose into his hair, letting the locks tickle her face. “I’m sorry you had to go to that place because of me. But thank you.” Jester presses a soft kiss to the top of his head, her pulse pounding in her ears. She lays her head back against the wall of the dome, and not daring to move to wake someone else for watch, she falls asleep.

~~~

Fur. Screeching. Jester. Flames. Then nothing.

Caleb awoke the next morning slowly, each sense returning to his body on its own time rather than all at once. The sun was barely up, a bit of golden light filtering through the treetops, which was the first thing Caleb noticed when he opened his eyes.

The sound of steady breathing next. He reinhabited his body at a snail’s pace, trying out his tongue and discovering he could make words again, moving his head from side to side despite the sharp ache in his neck. He closed his eyes, focused on controlling his limbs again,wiggling each finger experimentally. Sensation returned to him in his hands and he felt Frumpkin’s softness underneath one of them. Absently, he brushed his hand along Frumpkin’s back slowly, methodically, and froze when his hand touched a horn.

Snapping his eyes open, he looked down and saw not Frumpkin, but Jester, fast asleep, head in his lap. His heart leapt into his throat and his ears roared with a rush of blood. For a moment, he felt frozen in place. Jester looked so peaceful, expression smooth and content, none of the worry or pain that he was sure remained etched on his face even in his sleep. Her freckled blue neck stretched out beautifully over his thigh. He wanted so badly to bend down and kiss that soft skin of her neck, to make her shiver by running his tongue over the shell of her ear, nipping playfully at her earlobe. He wanted to give her everything he had, to make her feel good, to make her forget her own name and where she was and all of the dark, evil, painful things that had dampened her sparkle since she began traveling with them.

_Unfortunate that that includes you._

Fighting the urge to scramble up from the ground, he searched for the rest of the Nein, all blessedly still asleep, and made an exit strategy.

Clearly, Jester had gotten up in the night and laid down thinking she was with Beau, or Nott. Caleb had almost killed her with his reckless fireball yesterday; in all probability, she never wanted to look at his face again. He felt the edges of shadows start to creep around his vision at the memory of it, of the flames just barely clearing Jester’s head, and shook his head quickly to clear them. Focusing on moving one limb at a time, Caleb slid his hand under Jester’s neck and snapped Frumpkin into his lap. He whispered to Frumpkin to stay put, and rested Jester’s head on the cat’s stomach. Frumpkin glared daggers at him, but Caleb simply shrugged and stood, stepping out of the dome. He needed to get some fresh air.

He still wasn’t feeling 100% himself. The fear nipped at his heels as he walked, the darkness threatening to swallow him back up. _You destroy everything you touch. You tried to do a good thing and you even fucked that up._

Caleb paused, resting his back against a tree, trying to steady his breath. He wasn’t going to get dragged back into the shadows. He couldn’t help anyone from there. _You can’t help anyone from here either. At least when you’re_ there _they’re all safe from you._

Caleb groaned in frustration, exhausted despite the sleep, tired of fighting these thoughts. Many days, he thought it might just be easier to let them have him, but he always managed to push himself up above water and resist that urge. _Any day now,_ he thought grimly, _you could just give up._

“Cayleb?”

 _Scheisse._ He ran a hand over his face, trying to bring himself back to the land of the living, and turned toward the source of the voice.

“Ja?”

Jester came into view, peering around the tree trunks , searching ( _for him?_ ). His throat tightened a bit at the sight of her face, bright and beautiful as always, as if he weren’t a monster, as if he hadn’t almost killed her.

“Oh, sorry, Cayleb, did you come out here to pee or something? I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

He sighed, managing a small smile as she walked up to him. “Ja, Jester, I am okay. Thank you for checking on me.”

“Oh, well, actually, I wanted to say something.” Jester shifted uncomfortably and wouldn’t meet his eyes. Caleb’s stomach dropped and twisted. He steeled himself, preparing for her to tell him off, that he’d almost killed her, that she felt unsafe around him and wanted him to leave. _You deserve all of that and more._ If Jester wanted him to go, he would. He couldn’t cause her any more pain.

“I am here, what is it?”

“Just thank you. For yesterday.”

Caleb couldn’t help himself. “What?” he managed. She furrowed her brow and he knew the look he was getting meant “no bullshit”.

“You noticed I was in trouble and you helped me. I didn’t think anyone was watching out for me, and you probably saved my life. So thank you for doing that.”

“Jester, you don’t have to say that.” He leaned his head back against the tree with a pained expression. “I could have seriously injured you, or worse. I was reckless and not…thinking straight.” _Look her in the eye. You owe her at least that._ Caleb met Jester’s eyes hesitantly. “I am, and I understand if you cannot accept the apology, but I am extremely sorry. I will do everything in my power to prevent such a thing from happening again.” His gaze drifted down to her cloak, one edge frayed and burnt. An image flashed into his mind, from the dark place, an image of Jester, screaming, burning alive, her skin crackling from the flames, _his_ flames-

“Cayleb, you went away,” Jester said softly, her voice pulling him out of it. Caleb dropped his eyes in shame.

“I know,” he said. “It happens. I hope I did not cause you to worry.”

“It happened because of me. Because I wasn’t paying attention and I got into a bad situation. I should be the one saying sorry.” Caleb’s stomach bottomed out and he couldn’t help but stare at her, openmouthed. He felt tears, actual tears, start to well up in the corner of his eyes.

Before he knew what he was doing, he took her face gently in his hands and locked eyes with her.

“Jester, listen to me very carefully. What happens to me, sometimes - when - when I am using certain magics- it has nothing to do with you. Please, Blueberry, do not blame yourself, okay?” His voice was cracking, but he couldn’t stop. “There are things, in my past, that have caused this to happen - I - I am not a good man, Jester, I have done things, and I have killed people with this power, when - when I was not in control of myself. It is dangerous. And yesterday, I nearly killed you, I reacted carelessly and you easily - easily, you could have died. I went away because of what _I_ did, and because I could not bear it if I had - if I had hurt you, when I was only trying to protect you-“

Caleb’s mind took a moment to catch up with him, and a second after he realized he had stopped talking, he realized it was because Jester’s hands were in his hair, and her lips were on his, and he felt like a drowning man gulping down fresh air. Her mouth was hot and sweet and he leaned into it hungrily, ready to surrender to her anything she wanted-

Just like that, it was over and Jester pulled away, untangling her hands from his hair. Caleb couldn’t summon any words, in Common or otherwise, and felt like his thoughts were moving through molasses. His cheeks burned and his pulse hammered in his ears, and he could not seem to puzzle out how Jester could have done that accidentally. Was she ill? Did she trip? Was he still asleep? Did _he_ actually kiss _her_ and not the other way around?

While his brain was working out these possible explanations, Jester was frozen, for only a second, before her eyes widened and she turned and rushed off back to the camp. Wait - had he just stood there without saying anything? _Fuck._ He grabbed on to his body’s impression of that moment, what felt like a microsecond, wanting to be able to recall the feeling of her soft, sweet mouth pressed against his, knowing he wouldn’t get another and had to commit this one to memory. When Jester eventually, surely, came to him, tearful, ( _because she is so kind, she doesn’t want to hurt you, but she has to_ ) explaining her mistake, and shattered his already broken, bleeding heart, the memory of her kiss would help get him through the crushing loneliness.

Taking a moment to gather himself, he walked slowly back to the camp, where the Mighty Nein were busy repacking the cart to get on the road to Xhorhas.

“Ah, Mister Caleb,” Caduceus said with a smile. The firbolg sidled up to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder briefly. “You seem to be feeling better.”

“I am, thank you Caduceus,” Caleb mumbled. “Let’s get this show on the road, ja?”

Caleb couldn’t look at Jester without the ache beginning in his heart and tightening in his throat, anticipating the pain that was inevitable. He climbed up on the front of the cart next to Fjord before someone else could claim the spot, and rode the rest of the way in silence.


	4. Chapter 4

By the time the Nein approached Rosohna, Jester felt like she might jump out of her skin. The morning after their departure from Hupperdook, when she went to find Caleb in the woods, kept replaying through her head, and the remainder of the trip passed in total misery.

That morning, she awoke with Frumpkin under her head, who seemed quite perturbed. She picked him up and began petting him, searching around for his owner. Jester had never seen Caleb get up and wander on his own when he was away, but there was so much she didn’t understand about it, she supposed it was possible.

She caught a flash of movement beyond the trees and got up to follow, leaving Frumpkin inside the dome. She wasn’t the most perceptive of the group, not by far, so it took her some time, once she was in the woods, to follow the sounds of crunching underbrush.

_It could be an animal, you ought to be careful._

Jester slowed her steps and tried to be sneaky, though she wasn’t quite patient enough to do it as well as Beau or Nott, and peeked around the trees at the source of the noise.

Her eyes flicked to a glimpse of red hair just beyond where she was standing.

“Cayleb?” Jester called out. _Gods, if it’s not him, you’re in for it._

 _“_ Ja?” she heard a familiar voice and stepped towards it. Caleb finally came into view; he didn’t appear to be hurt, his eyes were clear and no longer glassy, and all of a sudden Jester felt very silly. She didn’t need to be such a mother hen.

“Oh, sorry, Cayleb, did you come out here to pee or something? I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” Her pulse quickened when she realized they had a moment alone. _You ought to thank him, for what he did yesterday. He had your back and he suffered for it._ Jester stepped closer hesitantly, hoping she wasn’t intruding. Tension she didn’t know she had been holding released when she saw his slight smile.

“Ja, Jester, I am okay. Thank you for checking on me.”

“Oh, well, actually, I wanted to say something.” Jester shifted uncomfortably and she dropped her eyes, feeling a bit embarrassed about what she needed to say. Even though he was back, he went to that place because she had been careless, and she still felt guilty. The look on his face was enough to make her stomach ache. Jester felt like a stupid little girl coming to say sorry for a stupid little mistake, but she was not a little girl, she was a grown woman, and her mistakes could have deadly consequences.

“I am here, what is it?” Jester felt the steel just behind his voice, though his tone was soft. _He doesn’t want to hear it._

“Just thank you. For yesterday.”

Caleb looked taken aback. “What?”

Jester furrowed her brow, trying not to let her guilt show on her face. _He’s insulted. Thanking him isn’t going to make it okay._

“You noticed I was in trouble and you helped me. I didn’t think anyone was watching out for me, and you probably saved my life. So thank you for doing that.”

“Jester, you don’t have to say that.” Caleb leaned his head back against the tree and squeezed his eyes shut. _How could you have mucked this up already?_ “I could have seriously injured you, or worse. I was reckless and not…thinking straight.” Jester felt numb, mouth agape. _Is_ he _apologizing to_ you _?_ “I am, and I understand if you cannot accept the apology, but I am extremely sorry. I will do everything in my power to prevent such a thing from happening again.” His gaze dropped and Jester felt her throat tightening at the idea that Caleb thought he had done something wrong, all because she had been stupid. Because what? Her cape was damaged? She’d burn her cape to ashes if it would take that painful look off his face. _You have to just come out with it. Say you’re sorry._

“Cayleb, you went away,” Jester said softly, unable to keep the trembling out of her words.

“I know,” he said. “It happens. I hope I did not cause you to worry.” Jester swallowed and tried to steady her voice.

“It happened because of me. Because I wasn’t paying attention and I got into a bad situation. I should be the one saying sorry.”

Caleb stared at her, his mouth open, and all of a sudden he took a step closer and held her face in his hands. Her heart leapt into her throat, the contact, the closeness, so much, all at once. Caleb’s rough fingers gently brushed a bit of dirt off her cheek and his bright blue eyes were boring into hers. Jester was overwhelmed and when she saw the moisture gathering at the corners of his lids, she felt her heart breaking into pieces.

“Jester, listen to me very carefully.” Caleb’s voice was broken, the words audibly struggling to get around the emotion in his throat. “What happens to me, sometimes - when - when I am using certain magics- it has nothing to do with you. Please, Blueberry, do not blame yourself, okay?” The tightness in her throat threatened to spill out into tears at the pet name.

“There are things, in my past, that have caused this to happen - I - I am not a good man, Jester, I have done things, and I have killed people with this power, when - when I was not in control of myself. It is dangerous. And yesterday, I nearly killed you, I reacted carelessly and you easily - easily, you could have died. I went away because of what _I_ did, and because I could not bear it if I had - if I had hurt you, when I was only trying to protect you-“

Jester’s body moved before her mind had a chance to vet the suggestion. Before she knew it, her fingers tangled in Caleb’s soft red hair and she pulled him down to meet her lips. Her brain stopped working completely, the feeling of his warm, soft mouth, the taste of him, filling her every thought. Jester could have sworn, if she weren’t too intoxicated off of him to trust her own judgment, that Caleb leaned into her mouth, kissing her back-

_Hey, Lavorre, what the fuck are you doing?!_

Icy cold panic exploded from Jester’s stomach, and she pulled away, removing her hands from Caleb’s hair, eyes searching his wildly for some kind of reaction. When he gave her none, simply staring at her, mouth still slightly open, Jester felt a wave of nausea hit, an ache in her chest that threatened to burst out of her throat. She fucked up _big_ time. She had to get out of there.

Jester couldn’t bear to be under that gaze any longer, and she couldn’t pretend she hadn’t just done that. She did the one thing every nerve ending was screaming at her to do, and ran back to the camp.

The rest of the Nein was just gathering their belongings when Jester appeared on the edge of the clearing, where she slowed to a walk to give as casual an appearance as possible. Five minutes later, she heard Caleb’s voice, in that stupidly, infuriatingly sexy accent, suggesting to Caduceus that they ought to get moving.

Jester climbed up into the cart, nestling herself into a corner, bringing her cloak up over her head. She didn’t bother pretending that everything was fine, and blessedly, nobody asked.

They made good time the rest of the way, and Jester was able to ward off conversation by reading her books while they were in the cart, and going right to sleep (or at least pretending to) when they sat down to camp at night.

“Are you feeling alright, Jester?” Nott asked her, when they were one night from Rosohna, as Jester lay down by the campfire.

“No, I’m not feeling so well,” Jester replied. She could have sworn she saw Caleb look at her with concern when she said that, but she kept her eyes firmly on Nott. It was the truth, at least. In addition to the constant, dull ache of sadness in her chest, and her random waves of nausea when she accidentally made eye contact with Caleb, her back was still bothering her. She didn’t think it was any kind of permanent injury, but there was still just enough inflammation to hurt when she moved the wrong way, or when the cart jostled over rough road.

“What’s wrong, Jester?” Caduceus asked with concern. Ugh. She didn’t want to start a whole conversation with the group about it.

“Oh, I’m okay, Cad,” she said, mustering a smile to make herself more convincing. “I am just tired, I guess. Ready to go home.”

He nodded sagely, but Nott still didn’t looked convinced.

“I just have cramps,” Jester whispered conspiratorially to Nott. Nott snuggled a little closer and rubbed Jester’s lower back. She felt truly touched at Nott’s care, and tears welled up in her eyes. Though Nott didn’t really know why it was needed, her comfort was breaking down some of the scar tissue that the past few days had built up around Jester’s heart. She just wanted to go home.

“Tell you what,” Nott said quietly, “when we get home tomorrow, we’ll have a girl’s day, just you and me, and Beau if she wants. We can get some pastries and sit in the hot tub and tell jokes about boys. Would you like that?”

“Yeah, Nott, that sounds good,” Jester managed. She did her best to focus on the slow, rhythmic strokes of Nott’s nails on her back, and drifted off to sleep.

~~~

Caleb had never been so glad to see the Xhorhaus in his life. Immediately on returning that afternoon, he went to the library and locked the door behind him.

Caleb began to unpack his bag, setting out his spellbooks, fresh paper, and ink. Running his hands through his hair, he sighed and sat down at his desk. He knew he couldn’t avoid Jester forever, but he wanted to put off the inevitable as much as possible. The last few days had been absolute misery, his chest clenching every time he was able to steal a glance at Jester. She looked so dejected. _You did that. You made her unhappy. You put her light out._

Eventually, necessarily, Jester would come to talk to him, to tell him that she had made a mistake, and that she wasn’t interested in him like that. She would be so kind about it when she broke his heart, and he would stand there pathetically, nodding and accepting it.

He remembered back in his teenage years, when the fire that flowed inside him felt life-giving, and thought how differently he would have approached this. The Academy didn’t encourage romance for its students, but they turned the other way so long as it didn’t get in the way of one’s studies. Bren’s father had always told him that if he liked a girl (the elder Ermendrud was a bit narrow minded in his expectations for Bren’s romantic pursuits, but Bren never corrected him), he had to jump at the first opportunity. Pursue her with romantic gestures, make her feel beautiful and cared for.

“If you want a woman, you have to let her know,” he always said. When Caleb was Bren, he took that advice seriously; though he wasn’t often successful, he had managed to romance Astrid, and a few less serious pursuits before her. Bren never would have let Jester slip away from him, would have kissed her a long time ago, would have done everything he could to make her feel as special as he thought she was.

_If you were still Bren, you would have killed her when Ikithon asked you to._

Caleb wasn’t that man anymore. She would be better off, safer, if he let her go. But the memory of the kiss was burned into his mind, the sweetness of Jester’s mouth, her soft skin brushing his beard. The feeling of her fingers twisted in his hair, the slight pull of them, sent a bolt of arousal straight between his legs, despite his dark mood.

Caleb dropped his head into his hands in frustration, feeling his cock begin to fill out at the memory, insistent after having been ignored for so long. He shifted in his seat, trying to forget about it, focusing instead on transcribing some spells he had left from his last meeting with Essek.

Though he worked patiently, his body had other plans and didn’t intend to be neglected. Only ten minutes or so passed before the ache became urgent, the pressure in his trousers uncomfortable.

Throwing his quill down with frustration, Caleb got up from the desk and went to his bedroom, locking that door as well. _Really? Now you’ve chosen to be interested?_ he chastised his body. He stripped off his shirt and laid in bed. _Better just get this out of the way quickly._ Caleb took one of his, ah, less educational books off the nightstand and flipped to where he’d dogeared the best parts.

_Stedd knew this was an inopportune time to get his beautiful elf flustered, but that only made it all the more delicious. Glancing around at the finely dressed guests in the banquet hall, all of whom were thoroughly ignoring him, Stedd summoned his mage hand under the table._

_Antinua didn’t see him, or the hand. She was laughing politely at something the man next to her had said, her coffee-brown hair cascading over her shoulder. Stedd admired how it glinted in the candlelight and thought about how much better it would look spread out on his pillow later._

Caleb smirked. Jester would’ve laughed at that corny line. He felt his ears warm and cleared his throat, suddenly self-conscious, and tried to clear Jester out of his mind as well.

 _Antinua gazed at Stedd from across the table, noticing the mischief in the half-elf’s brown eyes. What was he up to? All of a sudden, she felt_ something _slide up her leg. Antinua almost jumped out of her seat, immediately turning her head to the man next to her. Stedd cleared his throat across from her and gave her a meaningful stare._ Oh.

Caleb felt more heat gathering in his belly. He had never used his magic in bed, but the idea of it was _hot_. He unlaced his trousers and took himself in hand, stroking gently.

_Stedd raised the mage hand to slide under Antinua’s leg, under her yellow silk dress, and gave her thigh a gentle squeeze. The elf’s breath came shallow now, acutely aware of the extremely public, not to mention formal, setting. Stedd couldn’t help but grin, enjoying catching a glimpse beneath the carefully constructed mask she wore._

_When the fingers of the mage hand dipped between her folds, Antinua’s eyes widened and she bit her lip, unconsciously spreading her legs further apart under the table._

Caleb had read this book a few times now, and had a solid mental image of this scene. He put the book aside, no longer needing its help to feed his imagination, feeling his body getting closer to climax.

_Caleb slips two fingers of the mage hand into his lover’s entrance, his cock leaking when he notices her hands gripping the edge of the table, struggling to maintain her composure. The thumb of his spectral hand rubs her clit; suddenly, the image in his mind shifts: they’re out of the crowded dining room, on his bed. She’s in his lap, moaning as he plays with her._

_He uses one of his free hands to pull her dress down around her corset, closing his eyes as he pulls one soft blue nipple into his mouth, teasing it with his tongue._

_“Cayleb…” Jester moans his name, low and wanting, and the sound goes straight to his cock, already so hard and aching. He can feel his hot breath gasping against her sternum, trying to hold himself together. Caleb focuses on maintaining his mage hand, two fingers stroking in and out of her, and he is rewarded for his efforts with the most delicious noises coming out of Jester. He curls the fingers of the hand upward while his real thumbs circle and tease her nipples. Jester yelps and her hands, tangled in his hair, give a sharp tug, eliciting an uncontrolled groan of arousal from Caleb. Each squirm of her hips and needy whine sends a rush of blood between his legs, and Caleb knows he won’t have much left to give her if he keeps going like this. He wants it to be good for her._

_Jester is more than wet enough, so Caleb dispels the mage hand with a flick of his wrist. She whines at the sudden emptiness, but Caleb lays her down on the bed, gently, holding himself over her and lavishing kisses over her neck and chest._

_“I want to see you, liebling.”_

_As he lines himself up and pushes into her with a a low groan, she gasps and wraps an arm around his neck, pulling him down for an urgent, passionate kiss-_

Caleb finishes over his stomach with a gasp, hips thrusting upward into his stuttering hand. Panting, he lays back and prestidigitates clean, covering his face with his hands.

_How could you? After how you hurt her?_

It was all his imagination except for the last part, the moment that brought him over the edge, thinking of her lips on his again. Caleb’s throat welled up and he clapped a hand over his mouth, stifling a soft sob that broke out from his chest.

It was worse, the aching in his ribcage, now that he’d kissed Jester. Now he knew what it was like to have her, and he would have to live with that knowledge while he watched her go on, shining bright, finding someone else, someone better and safer and more whole. Caleb would stand on the sidelines while she fell in love with another man, someone who could give her everything she deserved, all the time knowing that it could have been different.

_You are hopelessly in love, Caleb Widogast._

Steadying his breaths, Caleb gathered his wits, got dressed, and left the Xhorhaus without a word.

Walking with purpose, he arrived in Rosohna’s market district a short time later, searching for a tailor that hadn’t yet closed. It was difficult to gauge in Rosohna, given the lack of regular daylight, when shops would shut, so he was pleased to find that many were still open and a tailor that Essek had recommended to him in weeks past still had lamps on inside.

Caleb opened the door, calling, “Hello? You are still open, ja?”

“Oh yes!” a kind-eyed middle-aged brow woman said, peeking her head out from behind the back. “My name is Veszatar, this is my shop, we specialize in custom work and unique designs! What can I help you with?”

“I am looking to have a cloak made.”

“I can certainly do that for you! What kind of material?” she asked.

“Ah, something that is fine looking, but will be comfortable for traveling and unfortunate weather. The person who it is for is often on the road.”

“Alright, then you’ll be wanting something like this!” Veszatar showed Caleb into the back, to a wall with a few dozen bolts of fabric. “This is a very fine, very soft grade of wool, one of the most sought after, we import it from Kamordah. It will keep you warm in the cold weather, it is good in the rain and snow, and easy to clean!”

Caleb reached out and touched a swath of the fabric, a rich forest green with a touch of silver thread woven in.

“I would like for the cloak to be made from this, please, if it is possible.”

Veszatar cheerfully hefts the bolt of wool onto her shoulder, taking it to her workspace. Returning momentarily, she pulls a pencil out from behind her ear.

“So, what are the recipient’s measurements?”

“Oh, ah, I’m not sure actually. Could - could you make a standard sized cloak, and if she wants to have it shortened or something, she can bring it back?”

“Yes, that’s no problem, dear. The whole thing will come to twelve gold. Would you like to pick it up tomorrow?” Caleb reaches into his pocket and deposits twenty gold on the table.

“Do you think you could have it done in an hour?”

Veszatar peers at him over the top of her spectacles and glances at the extra gold.

“….I suppose I could.”

“Wonderful, I will see you shortly.” Caleb walked briskly out of the shop before the tailor could reply.

In for a copper, in for a gold. If he couldn’t have her, he would do everything in his power to make her happy.

~~~

Nott stayed true to her word, and through her bleak mood Jester couldn’t help but smile when the goblin showed up at her room with a pile of soft towels and a box of apple dumplings, her long ears poking out from behind her cargo.

“Nott, you are so sweet!”

“What’s this about?” Beau asked, looking up from her book.

“Oh, I told Nott yesterday I wasn't feeling well, so she suggested we do a girl’s night! Go in the hot tub - well, me at least - and do our hair and whatever. Come with us, Beau!”

“Maybe I’ll join you for a bit,” she said. “I’m trying to get some reading done tonight. Can’t do it on the road with all you assholes chattering constantly.” Beau’s smile belied her insult.

The three women pattered down the hall to the room with the hot tub, and Jester remembered again how lucky she was to have such wonderful friends. She would get over this heartbreak, and they would be by her side through it even if she couldn’t share it with them openly.

Though Nott steadfastly refused to get into the water, she perched up on the edge with an apple dumpling in one hand and her flask in the other, and Jester and Beau undressed and got into the steaming water.

Jester sprinkled into the bath a calming oil that Caduceus had made, one that smelled like pea blossoms and oranges, and settled into the hot water. She felt like she could almost fall asleep here, just letting Nott braid her hair and listening to Beau tell them a story about the time her dad made her go to a fancy dress ball with the son of some other wine magnate, and she had shown up in pants and scandalized the entire room.

“I mean I told my dad, I’m not going to this thing, and he told me I had to, but he never said I had to wear a dress,” Beau scoffed. “So I left the house in some stupidly frilly burgundy dress that my mom had made, with heels, stockings, the whole nine yards, and then in the carriage on the way to the guy’s house, I changed into a man’s suit. I looked better than he did. You should’ve seen that jackass’s face when he opened the carriage door and saw this pile of lace just tossed on the ground, and me in menswear with the biggest shit-eating grin on my face.”

Jester smiled and from behind her, Nott said, “What did he do? He took you to the party anyway?”

“Well, he didn’t have much of a choice,” Beau explained. “His parents were pushing him into this ridiculous date as much as mine were. He couldn’t exactly go back in and tell them he wasn’t going to the event with me. So he just sat there like nothing was weird.”

“Turned out, after a couple of drinks and awkward dances, he thought the chutzpah was pretty hot. So we loaded up our pockets - that’s the best part of men’s clothes, they get _so many_ pockets - with all kinds of fancy snacky shit. Augh, I still remember it, there were like these tiny scones with clotted cream and pepper jam, pastry dumplings stuffed with bits of pigeon and fish, and, oh my gods, I will never forget these little honey cakes they had that were literally the same color as that stupid dress, ‘cause they were made with beets. Probably the last time I ate a vegetable. So anyway, we shoved all this shit in our pockets, wrapped up in napkins, grabbed a few bottles of booze before anyone could stop us, and snuck out.”

“Where’d you go?” Jester asked, opening one eye to see Beau’s response.

“We took the carriage for a joyride out to the edge of the city. Outside Kamordah is actually pretty nice, there’s geysers and shit and there’s not a lot of vegetation so you can see pretty far. When the moons are out the geysers are real pretty. So we got drunk off our asses and hooked up.”

“I thought you didn’t like boys?” Nott asked. Beau shrugged.

“I was sixteen, I didn’t know that then. After thatnight though, I realized that the dick wasn’t really my jam and I think hooking up with me made him realize he liked boys.” Beau grinned and leaned her head back onto the edge of the tub. “So it was mutually beneficial. Been swimming in the pussy ever since. Haven’t really seen a dick in almost ten years and don’t have any plans to change that.”

“Other than when we all went to that bathhouse in Zadash,” Jester reminded her. “You broke your streak.”

“Ugh, yeah, I guess.” Beau scowled. “Fuckin’ Fjord, Caleb and Molly broke my record. And Caleb at the beach in Nicodranas. That man can’t keep his damn pants on.” Jester blushed a little and sunk further into the water, hoping the steam would hide her face.

“You’re like the anti-Jester,” Nott laughed, moving to the other side of the tub to braid Beau’s hair. “Jester’s seen lots of dicks.” Jester nodded sagely.

“Yeah, technically, I wasn’t supposed to see them, technically, but it’s kind of hard not to when you grow up in a whorehouse, you know?”

Beau gagged comically. “I don’t envy you on that front.”

“Do goblins have weird penises Nott?” Jester asked. Nott shrugged.

“I don’t know, I never really thought about it. They’re pretty small.” Nott wrinkled her nose. “Kind of grimy usually. Goblins aren’t known for their hygiene.”

Jester grimaced. “Ew, I guess that’s probably true.” Nott nodded.

“Did you ever see, when you were living at the Chateau, any, like, weird dicks? I’ve heard some people, like firbolgs and tabaxis, have _weird_ dicks.” Nott lowered her voice conspiratorially. Beau barked out a laugh.

“Why do you ask, Nott, are you trying to figure out what Caduceus has packin’ down there?” Nott smacked the side of Beau’s head.

“No! I’m married, Beauregard!” Nott replied primly. “I’m just curious.” Jester couldn’t help but belly laugh.

“I don’t think I ever really saw any of those. I mean maybe some came to the Chateau and I just didn’t see them. Tieflings have pretty weird dicks, they have like ridges and stuff.”

“Yeah, well we all saw plenty of Molly’s,” Beau snorted, rolling her eyes.

“ _Plenty_ is right,” Nott said, grinning wickedly. Beau reached up and smacked Nott on the leg.

“What happened to ‘I’m married’, huh?”

“Nobody ever said a girl couldn’t window shop,” the goblin replied demurely.

Jester giggled. “Trust me, humans _totally_ have the weirdest dicks of anyone. They come in so many different shapes and sizes and stuff. But wait - Nott - okay, I know this is a personal question, but like - you’re so little! Could you even, you know, like, do it with a human?”

Beau stood up from the water abruptly.

“And now this conversation has officially gone into the realm of ‘things I never want to know.’ I’m off.” Beau pretended to gag again while she dressed and snatched an apple dumpling before she left. “Bye, perverts.”

Jester twisted around to say goodbye to Beau and her back twinged again. Nott must have noticed her grimace because she scuttled around the tub and began rubbing Jester’s shoulders. Jester rested her head on the goblin’s lap.

“Sorry I can’t get your lower back. Can’t get in the water and all.”

“Don’t apologize, Nott, this is lovely, thank you.”

The friends sat in silence for a time, Jester relaxing into Nott’s little massage. Something was itching at the back of her brain and she felt like Nott might be the one to talk to. Despite her silliness, Nott did know how to be a mother, and that was just what Jester needed.

“Nott?”

“Yes?”

“Can I talk to you about something?”

“Of course!”

“Okay, well, you don’t really have to answer me if you don’t want to. But…the other day on the road. What happened with the manticores. Nott, do you know, when Cayleb goes away like that…where does he go?”

Nott sighed and slowed her strokes. Jester got the feeling she was thinking about how to answer.

“Well, there’s only so much I can tell you, because it’s his story, not mine. But there are…things that have happened to Caleb that have made him…fragile. He’s very powerful, and he’s done things with that gift that he can never forgive himself for. I’m not sure I know where he goes, but I do know that it’s not a good place.”

“I feel really guilty,” Jester confessed quietly. “The other day, it happened to him because I didn’t act quickly enough.”

“Don’t blame yourself, Jester,” Nott said, running her fingers through Jester’s unbraided hair. “It’s Caleb’s burden to bear, not yours. The only thing we can do is help him carry it when we can and be there for him when he needs us. He’ll never accept that he deserves it, but that’s what friends are for, right?”

“He said to me, a few days ago, that he is not a good man. That he’s dangerous.” Jester’s heart was thrumming in her throat; she was hoping Nott didn’t know what had happened between them. She didn’t know how much Caleb shared with her.

“He’s right.” Jester felt ice in her veins, hearing Nott say this, hearing her confirm what Caleb had told her about himself. What could he possibly have done? “He is dangerous. His gifts can be used to bring a lot of harm into the world.”

Jester leaned into Nott’s maternal touch, her throat burning with sadness and tears springing to her eyes. Nott sighed, stroking Jester’s head softly. “Jester, I’m afraid _for_ Caleb, not of him. He has a lot of pain that he carries around with him. I hope that someday, he’ll be able to let it go, that he’ll start the process of forgiveness and stop…punishing himself for the person he used to be. Sometimes the darkness in his past…catches up to him. And he goes away. But through and through, he’s a good man. I know that in my core.”

“Do you know what he did?” Jester asked, her voice almost a whisper, unable to conceal the emotion underneath.

“I do.” Jester paused, waiting for Nott to continue, but she didn’t.

“And you still trust him?”

“I trust Caleb with my life. I have since we met, and I always will.”

Jester was silent for a long while.

“If it’s good enough for you, Nott, it’s good enough for me too.”

Later, Jester returned to her room, feeling relaxed and oddly at peace after her conversation with Nott. Beau perked up when she entered and Jester noticed with a hint of satisfaction that Beau was reading _Degree of Fancy._

“Oh, hey, someone left that for you.” Beau jerked her head towards Jester’s bed to indicate a package, wrapped in yellow paper. Despite the fancy wrapping, Jester’s name was penciled simply in the corner. She wrinkled her brow in confusion.

“Did it come in the post? Like, from my mom or something?” Jester flipped the package around, looking for a return address, a label, a name, anything that would tell her who it was from. Beau shook her head.

“Nah, it was outside our door when I got back from the hot tub.” She shrugged. “I didn’t see who put it there.”

Jester opened the package and unfolded the soft, deep green garment underneath. The end of the cloak fluttered almost to the floor, and Jester was stunned by the beautiful fabric, a gorgeous shade of green with a hint of silver thread woven through.

“Daaamn,” Beau said, eyebrows raised. “That’s tight.”

“It’s perfect!” Jester cried, dashing over to Beau’s bed so her friend could feel the soft weave. “My cloak got all messed up in the fight with the manticores. I love this one even more!”

“It did? I didn’t notice,” Beau replied.

“Yeah, it got kind of burnt. But it’s okay, because this one is amazing!” Jester bounced back to her bed and quickly cast _Sending_. “Mama! Thank you for my new cloak! It came just in time because my old one was damaged and I love it okay love you bye!” A few moments later, her mother’s confused voice filtered into Jester’s head. “Jester? I didn’t send you a cloak. But I am glad to hear you are happy and doing well, my love.”

Jester looked at the cloak more closely. If her mother hadn’t sent it, who had? Any of the Nein could just give it to her in person. Who would buy something so nice for her and just send it with no name? Jester bundled the fabric in her hands, held it to her face and inhaled deeply. _Bay leaves…molasses…_ It smelled like Caleb. _You're just imagining what you_ want _it to be._

“Is it from your mom?” Beau asked, interrupting her train of thought.

“No…” Jester said, distracted.

“Huh. Looks like maybe you have a secret admirer there, Jes,” Beau teased, wiggling her eyebrows. Jester blushed a deep violet and hung the cloak in her closet.

“Maybe,” she replied softly, laying down on her bed and staring at the ceiling. Jester fought the hopeful beating of her heart against her chest.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning, Beau was sorting through the mail when Jester came downstairs. Without looking up from her plate of bacon with chili sauce, Beau flashed a piece of calligraphied parchment at Jester.

“We got invited to some fancy bullshit at the Lucid Bastion as guests of Essek. Want to go?”

Jester felt excitement bubble up in her stomach. She _loved_ getting dressed up for events, and all the preparations, and going out to beautiful places with beautiful people, eating and drinking and dancing with her friends.

“Yes, I would love to! When is it?”

“Three nights from now. Might have to get something to wear.” Beau was still sorting mail.

“Ooh, that’s so exciting, Beau! Are we all going?” _Is Caleb going,_ is what she wanted to ask, but she kept that to herself. Beau shrugged.

“You’re the first person other than Caduceus I’ve seen so far today. The three of us are going for sure. I’m guessing Caleb will have to go, whether he likes it or not, since he’s closest to Essek and we’re kind of being invited as associates of him. I should go, as an Expositor. I guess Fjord and Nott can do whatever they want.” Jester plopped down into a chair across from Beau, after getting a plate for herself of sliced cheese, smoked fish and the special honey-roasted vegetables Caduceus makes for her.

“What are you going to wear, Beau? Want to go shopping later?”

“I guess I probably should, yeah. I don’t think I have anything fancy enough for this kind of thing. Ugh, I fucking hate formalwear though.”

“What if we got you like, a really fancy suit, like a soldier’s suit? You’d look so dapper, it would be so cool!”

“Not a bad idea, Lavorre. Let’s go out and get something in the works, I don’t know how long it will take to get it finished. Like I don’t have enough to do.” Beau rolled her eyes and finally looked up from the pile of mail. “Oh, hey, your new cloak looks great.” Jester shimmied and preened.

“Thank you, I love it so much!”

Jester opened her sketchbook and started doodling ideas for what she wanted her dress to look like. If she found a pretty patterned fabric, maybe she could do something in a slip silhouette, ooh, and longer in the back than in the front…or, she could go for the soft, romantic look, a structured bodice with off the shoulder sleeves and a floaty skirt…or, maybe, just one shoulder, with a ruffle?

While she sketched, Fjord and Nott came downstairs to get some food, and Beau told them about the event at the Lucid Bastion.

“Sure, I suppose I’ll join you all,” Fjord said, “if everyone else is going.”

“Ooh, a party! I bet they’ll bring out the good hooch!” Nott says excitedly. “And I don’t even need a dress, since I have to illusion myself anyway. I could go naked and nobody would be the wiser!”

“I envy you, Nott,” Beau sighed. “I’d much rather go as I am, but social graces and what the fuck ever.”

“That’s a nice cloak, Jester, is it new?” Nott asked.

“Thank you, Nott! Yes! When we finished our spa time yesterday it was waiting in my room! Isn’t it awesome?” Jester got up and did a demonstrative spin, showing how the cloak floated out and the silver thread caught the light.

“It’s from her secret admirer,” Beau interjected with an eyebrow wiggle.

“What is?” Caleb asked, as he walked into the kitchen. Jester’s heart leapt into her throat and she flushed deep purple.

“Jester’s new cloak,” Beau said. Caleb glanced over at her and she could have sworn she saw a smile quirk up at the corners of his mouth. “It was waiting outside our door after we finished girl time last night.” Beau shrugged. “There was no return address or name or anything.”

Caleb’s bright blue eyes caught hers and Jester felt shy all of a sudden, biting back a smile.

“It looks very nice on you, Jester,” he murmured. She felt her stomach do another flip.

“Thank you, I mean, I love it a lot, so whoever got it for me, I appreciate the gift very much.” She avoided looking at him and turned her gaze back to her sketchbook.

The wizard opened a jar of Cad’s homemade applesauce, spooned some into a bowl, and Jester took the chance while he was occupied to sneak a look at him, looking for any hints that he was the one who left the cloak for her. His face was impenetrable as ever, but she found herself staring at the way the morning light made his copper waves gleam, and the movements of his careful, calloused fingers. She could think of a few things she’d like to use those clever fingers for….

_Jester Lavorre, you are so stupidly infatuated with this stupidly charming man._

“Hey, your boyfriend sent us an invitation to some shindig at the Lucid Bastion,” Beau said to Caleb, holding up the invitation between two fingers. “Happening in a couple days. Are we going?” Caleb peered at the parchment.

“I suppose that is up to the group, ja? And he is not my boyfriend,” Caleb said to Beau sternly. “The relationship between Essek and I is strictly professional.” She smirked.

“Whatever you say, man. If I had a gold for every time I’ve said ‘she’s not my girlfriend’, or ‘this relationship is strictly professional’, I’d have bought you fuckers out of this place a long time ago. Anyway, are we going? We’re only being invited because you’re his boyfriend, so it’s kind of up to you.” Caleb rolled his eyes at Beau.

“If the rest of the group would like to go, I can pull myself out of the library for the evening, I suppose.”

“Alright, but this is like, fancy shit, you know? So do you have anything to wear that isn’t covered in cat hair?”

“Ja, I have a set of formal clothes. I am not a complete animal, Beauregard.” Jester couldn’t help but giggle under her breath at their banter. Beau raised her eyebrows.

“I sincerely doubt that isn’t also covered in cat hair, but do what you want. Jester and I are going shopping later if you, or anyone else, wants to come.”

“No thank you, I am busy today,” Caleb said, gathering his food to retreat back to the library. “I have a meeting with Essek today and I want to finish something I’m working on before then.”

“Hey, say hi to him for me after you’re done riding his dick!” Beau calls.

“As soon as I finish on yours, Beauregard,” Caleb calls back.

Fjord shook his head, eyes cast down into his breakfast. “You two are menaces.”  
  
~~~

An hour later, Beau, Jester, Nott and Caduceus made their way to the market district to find a seamstress who could make some formalwear for them on short notice.

Beau made a beeline for a quaint looking shop on the edge of the market, a needle and thread engraved above the shop’s entryway.

The group walked in and a cute little drow woman, middle-aged or so, popped up from behind the counter.

“Oh hello! My name is Veszatar, this is my shop, we specialize in custom work and unique designs! What can I help you with?”

“Hello, Veszatar, I’m Expositor Beauregard Lionett of the Cobalt Soul. We’re here to commission some clothing for an upcoming event as guests of the Shadowhand.” Beau didn’t often pull out her title, or the group’s association with Essek, but Jester knew she was trying to smooth the way for a rush job on these orders. “These are my companions, and your work has come recommended to us highly by the Shadowhand himself.” Vesztar looked around at the Nein, and when her eyes fell on Jester, she brightened.

“Oh! Your cloak! I made that for you!”

“Really? Are you sure?” Jester asked with a frown, looking down at her cloak. “I just got it yesterday.”

“Yes! The most polite young man came in yesterday afternoon and asked to have this made for you, he was…tall? With red hair and a beard? He insisted that it was done as soon as possible, I hope you are happy with it!”

Veszatar came around the counter and began to fuss with Jester’s cloak. “It could be brought in just a bit here, he didn’t have your measurements, so I am afraid I just had to do my best! Here, let me take this for you.” The seamstress unclasped the cloak from around Jester’s shoulders, then scurried off and disappeared behind the counter.

Jester could feel Beau’s eyes burning into her skull, eyebrows up to her hairline, mouth open.

“Hooooooooly shit!” the monk finally said.

Jester, whose heart was pounding and face burning, swallowed and mumbled, “He just replaced it because my old one got burnt by his fireball in the fight with the manticores.”

“But then why wouldn’t he just give it to you and tell you it was from him? Why leave it outside our door like some weird stalker?” Beau demanded, not letting up on her intense gaze. “Very suspicious, Jes, I have to tell you.”

“Mister Caleb is a very kind friend,” Caduceus said pleasantly, and Jester could have kissed him just then, for saving her from having to respond. Looking in the firbolg’s eyes, she knew that he knew he’d done her a favor.

Veszatar reappeared from the back, humming cheerfully, and wrapped the cloak around Jester’s shoulders. ”Ah! This looks much better!” The seamstress didn’t stop fussing with the placement, dusting invisible particles off the wool and constantly adjusting it.

“Thank you, Veszatar, this is a lovely cloak,” Jester said, trying her hardest to be even and polite.

“Well you really ought to thank that handsome young man who asked me to make it,” the tailor said with a wink, oblivious to Jester’s panic. “He chose the fabric himself, very fine Kamordian wool, not cheap I’ll tell you! You’re quite a lucky woman to have caught his eye.”

Jester never wanted so badly to melt into the floor. Fortunately, Nott saved the day when she cleared her throat and stepped forward.

“Well, the quality of your work is evident in this fine piece, and my friends were wondering if they could possibly have some clothing made for an event upcoming in a few days. Is that something you can help us with?”

“Ah, yes, of course! What sort of event?”

Jester tried to push down the roiling in her stomach and focus on getting through the task ahead. She had never not enjoyed shopping, and was able to, mostly successfully, compartmentalize her feelings. Jester concentrated intensely on choosing between the different fabrics and silhouettes Veszatar offered to her, and on giving feedback on her friends’ outfits. Through it all, the nausea didn’t stop.

While she was watching the tailor take Caduceus’s measurements, Nott came up by her side and reached up a hand to rub her lower back. She didn’t say anything; she didn’t need to. Her presence was enough.

_He’s just being nice to you. He doesn’t want you like that. He just doesn’t like to make a big deal out of his kind gestures. Stop overreacting._

Jester couldn’t help but remember back to Beau’s teasing that morning, about Essek. She had also kind of thought that there might be something between them. She’d seen the way Essek’s touches on Caleb’s arm lingered and how Caleb’s eyes lit up when Essek arrived for a lesson.

_Essek would be better for him. Essek is serious, and smart, and they talk about wizard stuff together. Why would he be interested in you in comparison?_

On the other hand, maybe this was a good thing, maybe a thing she deserved and wanted. What if he _did_ want her too? Jester wiped a hand over her face. Okay. Enough of this bullshitting. She needed to find an opportunity to talk to him, come clean, and get it over with. If he was going to break her heart, it couldn’t be worse than the roller coaster of emotions she was on right now.

_~~~_

Caleb, for once, wasn’t quite sure what day it was. He had been the resident ghost of the Xhorhaus since they returned, deep in the midst of a difficult project. Essek had come over the day after they arrived to help him with it, and they had made some progress, but it was like pulling an honest answer out of a Dwendalian politician and Caleb was exhausted.

He woke up two days in a row at his desk, at wildly different hours, ink smeared on his cheek, paper stuck to his forehead. _When was the last time you ate?_

Wandering out to the kitchen, he looked around for his friends.

“Caleb?” he looked over at Nott, who was standing on a chair, trying to get a jar of yogurt off the shelf. She left it and scrambled down, coming over to him to fuss over his hair and clothes.

“Ah, hello, Nott.” Caleb hardly recognized his own voice. _How long since you talked to someone? Drank water?_

“Caleb, you look like shit,” Nott said. He looked down at himself, his clothes stained with ink, one of his pant legs rolled up for some unknown reason. _When did you change your clothes last?_ Nott sighed. “Come on.”

He let himself be led upstairs by his goblin friend, his mental fog clearing slowly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was…neglecting myself.”

“It happens to the best of us.” Nott guided him to the bathing room and ran the hot water, carefully avoiding the stream herself. “Get in the tub. I’m getting you food and water.” Her tone brooked no argument, and Caleb slowly undressed, gingerly entering the steaming bath.

Nott returned shortly with a bit of fruit from Caduceus’s garden and a pitcher of water. Methodically, she climbed up to perch behind him on the tub and began to rinse his hair.

“You’re too good to me, Frau Nott,” Caleb said, leaning back into her hands. She tutted in response.

“You can’t pull all nighters like this, you’ve got to sleep. It’s not healthy. Here, drink some water.” He did as she asked, clarity returning to him bit by bit. They sat in silence for a few moments, Nott scrubbing several days worth of grime from Caleb’s hair.

“Caleb?” she asks softly.

“Yes, Nott?”

“What’s going on with Jester?”

Caleb froze, not sure how to answer. “Ah, I suppose you would have to ask her that, ja?”

“I mean what’s going on with you, with Jester?”

Caleb sighed. “Nothing. Why do you ask?”

“Well you bought her that cloak, didn’t you? It’s very nice, by the way.”

“How did you know that?” he asked, tensing.

“We went to the tailor Essek recommended, a few days ago, to get clothes for tonight. The tailor recognized it when Jester was wearing it.” _Scheisse._

“Alright, well, ja, I did buy that for her. I was careless in that fight on the way from Hupperdook and I burned her cloak. I damaged her property so I replaced it. That is all.”

Nott was silent for a few moments.

“Caleb, you know I don’t like to pry into your private life…. I just want you to know that, eventually, whether it’s Jester or not, someone will come into your life that you’ll fall in love with. I hope you’ll be open to that possibility when it happens.”

Caleb felt his heart ache inside his chest and he wrapped his arms around his knees, closing in on himself. He didn’t deserve Nott, and he certainly didn’t deserve Jester.

“Nott, if I am in love with someone, the best thing I could do for them would be to let them go. I am a broken man. Perhaps, once, I would have been deserving of that kind of love but not anymore. It would be selfish of me to…drag someone else into all of this.” He gestured at himself.

“Do you think I don’t deserve love?” Nott asked quietly.

Caleb, stunned, flipped around, leaning on the edge of the tub to see her face. “What? No, never - I - Nott, Yeza loves you so much. You deserve all of the love he has for you and more. You are my best friend in all the world. Why would you think that I would say you do not deserve it?”

“I’m broken too, Caleb. I’ve done things that keep me up at night. I’ve done them of my own free will, not manipulated or brainwashed by someone else, and I have to live with them too.” Nott took his hand, gingerly, wrapping it in a towel to avoid the water.

“Broken people deserve to be loved too. Being with Yeza, I feel - like I’m part of something more than myself. Not like the way it is with the Nein, but more like he…he makes me want to be better. He makes me want to live up to how he sees me. I want you to have that too. Whether you believe it or not, you deserve that.”

Caleb was quiet for a long while.

“Thank you, Nott,” he said softly. “I…am very lucky to have a friend like you in my life.” Nott clambered down from the edge of the tub and padded towards the door.

“That’s what friends are for, right? Now clean yourself up before we go to the Bastion tonight. The girls will probably want to use this room soon.”

He smiled at her mothering and laid back, thinking about what she’d said. He didn’t believe it about himself, but someone else believing it about him? Well, maybe that was alright.  
  
After he finished bathing, drinking the water and eating the food Nott had left him, Caleb felt much better. Not quite as good as he’d feel if he’d gotten proper sleep, but that was evasive on most nights anyways.

A few hours later, the Nein gathered to leave the Xhorhaus. Caleb’s formal clothes were uncomfortable and overly warm; the thing he would never understand about formal events was why they required putting on so many individual pieces of clothing. It took at least three times as long as normal clothes, and they were a fraction as comfortable. _If you’re rich, shouldn’t that give you the privilege to throw a party and wear anything you want? If you can wear anything you want, why would you choose this?_

But he tried to make do. He had hardly seen his friends these past few days, and was, admittedly, looking forward to spending the evening with them. Fjord looked equally uncomfortable, though Caleb had to confess he looked quite dashing in his brocade coat. He felt a bit self conscious of his shabbiness next to the figure Fjord cut.

Caduceus wore a soft, almost dress-like silk tunic and flowing silk pants in tones of dark green and cherry blossom, very reminiscent of his beetle armor. Unlike the other two men, he looked quite at ease, and Caleb felt a bit envious that he had not thought of wearing something like that. _Caduceus can pull it off_ , he thought. _Not so sure that you could._

The boys shifted around in the entryway and waited for the women. It wasn’t a surprise; they usually ended up waiting whenever the occasion called for some kind of dressing up.

“I suppose it’s our fault for being down here on time,” Fjord said, head resting against the wall, staring up at the ceiling.

“Okay, we’re coming, we’re coming!” Nott’s shrill voice called out. Her halfling form bounded down the stairs, in an illusory gown of ruched burgundy velvet. “I’m wearing pajamas for real, though,” she whispered conspiratorially. Caleb couldn’t help but smile at her, feeling like she was getting away with something. “And they have so many pockets so that if they have good snacks I can take some home for later!”

Beau came down right after Nott, in a menswear outfit remarkably similar to Fjord and Caleb’s. She spread her arms and looked at Nott triumphantly. “I told you I wear it better than the men.”

Nott slipped a gold piece into her hand and Beau pocketed it with a smirk.

“I cannot argue with that,” Caleb said with a warm smile. “It is a good look on you, Beauregard.”

As he was saying this, his eyes flicked towards the stairs and his heart caught in his throat. Jester looked…well, she looked stunning. Her gown was simple, seafoam green with long sleeves and a boatneck, showing off her beautiful freckled collarbone. Nott had done her hair up and she had silver jewelry dangling from her horns, complimenting the new cloak that hung around her shoulders. Quite simply, he was speechless, and felt a blush creeping up his neck at the way his heart sputtered and stopped when he looked at her. When she turned to show off her gown to Beau, Caleb noticed that a small cutout had been made in the back to allow for her tail, a small detail that inexplicably made affection well up in his chest.

“Daaaaaamn, Jessie!” Beau cried. “You look hot as fuck, girl. You’re not even gonna have to come to me to dance with you, you’re gonna have guys hanging off your arm alllll night.” Caleb felt a pang of jealousy at the thought that he quickly tried to stuff down. _That would be good for Jester. The sooner she finds someone else, the sooner you can move on._

Jester caught his staring and gave him a small smile, and he could have sworn he saw a violet flush spreading from her collarbone as well. Looking him up and down, her eyes widened in surprise and he felt his pulse quicken under her attention.

Once they arrived at the Lucid Bastion, Caleb presented the invitation to a buttoned-up guard, who inspected it closely.

“Good evening, Sir Widogast, it is a pleasure to greet you. And I suppose this group behind you is the…Mighty…Nein?” he asked, squinting at the parchment.

“Ja, indeed.”

“Enjoy your evening,” the guard said, bowing slightly at the Nein as they passed.

The Lucid Bastion, as usual, was otherworldly, green lanterns glowing through the passageways, translucent stone allowing light to refract through the entire palace. The ballroom at which the event was being held was no different, lit softly by fey lights. Inside, hundreds of people milled about, mostly drow but a surprising number of humans, and a few orcs and goblins.

Caleb nudged Nott. “There are other goblins here, you could have come as yourself if you liked.”

“But then I would have had to wear a real dress,” Nott muttered. “And it would be harder to put cream puffs in my pockets.” Caleb found her points difficult to argue.

“There you are, the Mighty Nein!” a familiar voice called out. Shadowhand Essek Thelyss greeted them, arms wide.

“Ah, hello, Essek,” Caleb said, “thank you kindly for inviting us to this lovely evening, it was quite gracious of you.”

“Thank you very much,” Beau said, “on behalf of the Cobalt Soul as well.”

“Of course!” Essek cried. “You all have been very good friends, and I am so pleased to have you as my guests tonight.” The handsome drow’s eye caught Caleb’s and Essek’s mouth curled into a smile. He took Caleb’s hand and pressed a kiss to his knuckles, purple eyes holding his. “Mister Widogast, you are looking quite charming tonight, I must say.”

Caleb flushed bright red and stammered, “Oh, well, thank you, Shadowhand, the compliment is - noted. I - you also are looking - very fine.” Essek smiled demurely and Caleb tried not to notice Nott slip Beau another gold behind her back.

“Well, I am looking forward to the festivities, but I am afraid I must attend to a few other greetings. Diplomatic graces and all that.” Essek rolled his eyes. “I will try to find you all shortly.”

The Shadowhand glided away, and Beau elbowed Caleb.

“Strictly professional relationship,” she said, mimicking Caleb’s accent. Caleb pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

“Beauregard….”

“Let’s go get drinks!” Nott said, already scurrying off to whatever corner of the room she had somehow spotted booze in.

Caleb rather enjoyed their first hour of the party, though the number of people in the room was starting to grate on his nerves. Nott, Fjord and Beau were already spectacularly drunk and setting up card games in the corner with a small group of people, and Caduceus was dancing gracefully with a number of women (and a few men), all of whom appeared very curious about him. Throughout the night, Caleb couldn’t keep his eyes off Jester. Everything about her, the sound of her laughter, which he could pick out anywhere, the way her jewelry sparkled in the lamplight, the soft dusting of freckles over her exposed shoulders and the way the silk of her gown clung to her curves.

Caleb far preferred to be a wallflower, watching the festivities rather than openly participating. At the moment, he was enjoying watching Caduceus dance with drow after drow, towering over most of them. The firbolg was quite light on his feet considering his size, and Caleb found his fluid movements and the flow of his silks oddly relaxing to watch.

As the next song began, a soft waltz, Caleb saw a glint of seafoam green out of the corner of his eye and watched as an exceedingly handsome young man took Jester out on the dance floor. He felt a pang of jealousy, and his chest ached with longing when he recalled the last time he got to dance with her, the way she felt in his arms. She was so gorgeous in this light, her smile and her sparkling eyes, and his throat tightened watching the drow spin her around the floor, his hand on her waist. _Why is he looking at her like that? Well she’s incredible, of course he_ ought _to be looking at her like that. But he doesn’t even know her, he just likes that she’s beautiful._

Caleb ran a hand over his face in frustration, trying to snap himself out of it, and turned to walk out onto the balcony. He needed some fresh air.

Stepping out onto the breezy veranda, Caleb leaned over the railing and breathed in the night air. The city beneath glittered, the sight doing nothing to allay the nausea roiling in his stomach.

_You’ve got to let her go._

He drained his glass of wine and remained on the balcony, tracing the patterns of pedestrians below and snapping Frumpkin onto the railing. The rhythmic strokes on Frumpkin’s back and the comforting purrs of his cat helped lower his anxiety a bit, that is, until he hears footsteps behind him.

“Cayleb?” Ah, scheisse.

He turned, reluctantly, knowing that when he saw her his pulse would jack up again. He was right; she practically gleamed in the light coming from the ballroom. She looked worried. _You’re ruining her evening. She ought to be in there dancing._

“Ja, hello, Blueberry. Are you having a good night?”

“Oh, yes, it’s been very nice. It was generous of Essek to invite us.” Jester comes up next to him and leans over the railing, looking at the sparkling city below. “It’s very pretty out here.”

“Ja,” he agrees, glancing over at her. “It is.” They stand together for a few moments, the only sound coming from Frumpkin’s purrs and the music inside.

“Cayleb? Can I talk to you?” Jester asks softly. His heart drops into his stomach. _Here it is. She’s going to tell you to leave her be, and she’ll be so nice about it._

“Of course, Jester, I’m here.” He turns to face her, trying to keep his devastation from showing.

“Well,” she starts, fidgeting, “I’ve been thinking, a lot - about - I mean, things, with you and me - have been - sort of, I think, they’ve been kind of weird and-“

“You don’t have to say anything,” Caleb says, turning his face back towards the city lights, hoping the words can come out even around the emotion in his throat.

“I don’t?” Jester says, furrowing her brow.

“No. I understand. That day, in the woods, it was a mistake. I have not been…respectful of you. And I have not done a good job of keeping my…affection for you to myself. I am sorry for the discomfort I have caused you and I promise that it will not come up to bother you again.”

“What?” she said, putting her hand on his arm. He cleared his throat. _Why is she making you say it again?_

“I…. I let you kiss me, I gave you this gift, it was too much. I should not have done so, I made you uncomfortable. I unwisely hoped you may share my feelings, and acted recklessly. I promise I will keep my emotions under…better control from now on. I am very sorry, Jester.” He had to look back at her for her reaction, knowing full well that his misery would be written on his face.

Jester stared at him, open-mouthed.

"A mistake?" she repeated. "Do you think it was a mistake, Cayleb? Did you not want me to do it?"

“No, I - I enjoyed it very much, I just -“ Caleb felt a hot flush come into his cheeks. He cleared his throat and started again. “I understand why you needed to tell me that you made a mistake, and that you did not mean to give the appearance that you…cared for me. In that way.”

“It wasn’t a mistake, Cayleb,” she said, her voice soft but her eyes fierce. “But I thought - I thought maybe I made _you_ uncomfortable. And so I wanted to apologize for kissing you - because I thought you didn’t want it. That you didn’t want me. Not because….I don’t want you.”

Before Caleb could stop himself, he took her face in his hands and pulled her in to kiss her, not stopping to think about who might see. Her mouth was soft and open under his, and he kissed her, hot and desperate, like a dying man takes water.

They broke apart and he felt that familiar panic start to shoot up his spine, _what if she doesn’t want this, maybe that isn’t what she was telling you at all-_

His train of thought was interrupted by Jester wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him close, fastening her mouth to his again. He felt her tongue slip past his lips, and the feeling was like lightning, _she wants you too, she wants you too-_

“Take me home, Cayleb,” Jester whispered breathlessly, her breath tickling his ear, her arms still around his neck. Caleb immediately snapped Frumpkin back into his pocket dimension; without another word, he took her hand and they began to walk quickly, almost running, out of the Lucid Bastion, past their friends and Essek and the rest of the partygoers, onto the street.

Caleb had the presence of mind to pull his copper wire out of his pocket, and, pressing it to his lips, “Nott, I am going home, don’t worry, I’ll see you in the morning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up next: 5k of my finest smut. Y'all AREN'T READY. As always, feedback is cherished!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Widojest juice train has pulled into the station, folks.
> 
> As always, the author thrives on feedback. Choo-choo, motherfuckers.
> 
> (German translations can be found in the end notes)  
> (Also, I highly doubt anyone is interested enough in this fic to make art, but if you are so inspired, I would be so thrilled to see it!)

Neither Caleb nor Jester dared break the silence, both a bit out of breath as they rushed back to the Xhorhaus. Caleb unlocked the door and Jester pulled him inside, pushing him up against the door and running her hands all over his body. He melted into her touch, reveling in the feeling of her lips on his collarbone, her hands in his hair, each touch magnified by the racing beat of his heart.

“Perhaps the front hallway is not the ideal place for this,” he managed to pant, head thrown back against the door, neck exposed to her tongue and teeth. Jester groaned in frustration and made for the library; he followed, locking the door behind them with trembling hands, and she stood in the entry to his bedroom, leaning on the frame with one arm.

He couldn’t help but smile; she had to know what a delicious picture she made, standing there, beckoning him inside. His body was awake now, his cock already half-hard just from her kisses, and for once, blessedly, the constant turning of his brain wasn’t getting in the way. He took a moment to look at her, committing the image to memory, the ravenous look in her eyes, her kiss-swollen and parted lips, the silk hugging her curves, displayed for him like a present he couldn’t wait to unwrap. Jester reveled in the attention of his gaze, pressing against the doorway, tail whipping around her legs in excitement.

“Why are you keeping me waiting, Cayleb?” Jester pouted. “Come on!”

Jester’s heart leapt in surprise when Caleb dashed through into his bedroom, shut the door and in one deft motion, pushed her up against it. Caleb’s hands slipped around her waist and his hot mouth started exploring her neck and shoulders. His beard scratched her lightly as he nuzzled her collarbone, sending shivers over her spine. Jester keened at the sensation, wrapping her arms around Caleb’s shoulders. She enjoyed the way his hands roamed over her back, sliding over the silk, maddeningly close, but she was impatient to feel his skin on hers.

Caleb began to run his tongue over the sensitive skin of her neck, then all of a sudden, he was sucking and biting into her flesh. _Fuck,_ she thought, one hand threading through his hair, her eyes rolling back, _that’s so hot._ He was marking her, _claiming_ her, and heat rushed straight between her legs at the thought.

“Cayleb!” Jester gasped when he took the lobe of her ear into his mouth and sucked it gently. She could feel him grinning against her neck, his lips brushing against the mark he had just put on her.

“Shh,” Caleb growled into her ear. “I am going to take care of you tonight, Miss Lavorre.” The low, rough tone of his voice, combined with the promise, made Jester let out a small, shuddering sigh, her entire body alive to his touch. One of Caleb’s hands wandered down to her ass and gave it a gentle, but firm, squeeze, leaving no doubt as to his intentions. He dropped to one knee and wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing soft, tender kisses to her belly.

She melted into his arms, feeling overwhelmed by the heat of his body and the want building inside her.

“Would you like that, Jester?” he murmured, cheek pressed against her stomach, blue eyes with pupils blown wide lifting to search her face.

“Yes, please!” Jester cried, running her fingers through his hair.

Caleb rose to his feet and captured her mouth again, delicate hands reaching slowly behind her to undo the laces of her dress. Jester sighed at the gentle care he was lavishing on her. Though nerves rolled around in her stomach, she knew she was so safe and so cared for in the arms of this wonderful man. She felt the silk around her shoulders begin to loosen, and as she kissed him lazily, her tongue exploring his mouth, Caleb tenderly slid the dress off of her.

“I knew there had to be creative uses for those talented hands,” she teased against his lips, feeling his hands ghost over her slip. If she weren’t so conscious of his every movement, she might not have noticed how his hands trembled against her.

Caleb smirked a little, bright eyes meeting hers.

“I’d be happy to show you a few more,” he murmured, his voice uneven with lust. Jester breathed in sharply and hooked one leg around Caleb’s waist, pulling his body in closer to hers. His head dropped into her shoulder and he groaned when she pressed his hips into hers. That sound was _so_ good. She wanted to make Caleb make it over and over again. Jester thought, at least from what she could feel, that he was more than ready for her, his hot length pressing between her legs.

“I would like that, Mister Widogast,” Jester whispered, pulling him close so she could suck a deep purple bite mark into his pale skin. His hands gripped her tighter, and she was rewarded with a stuttering moan that made arousal pool deeper in her stomach. Oh yes, she liked that sound _very_ much.

“Tease,” Caleb chastised with a smile, squeezing her ass again.

“ _I’m_ a tease?” Jester replied, playing offended. “I’m wearing only a slip and you’re still fully dressed!”

“Because tonight is about you, _mein_ _Kätzchen_ ,” Caleb replied, taking off his coat as he walked over to his bed. He sat down and beckoned Jester closer, and she came, her heart pounding in her chest, every step like a mile, until there she was, standing in front of him at the edge of the bed. Caleb slid two fingers under the straps of her slip and pulled them down off her shoulders. Jester felt a little shy now, and anxious, like the first time she went cliff-diving off the coast of Nicodranas. He looked up at her, wordlessly seeking permission, and she nodded.

Caleb’s hands were so gentle as he pulled her slip up over her head, never breaking his breathtaking gaze into her eyes. All of a sudden, Jester was almost naked in front of him, but she didn’t feel nearly as self conscious as she thought she would. He didn’t touch her right away, first folding her slip carefully at the end of the bed, then taking her face in his hands and kissing her tenderly. Jester melted into the kiss, bringing her hands to his shoulders and threading them into his copper hair.

Jester’s pulse was thrumming fast under her skin, her nipples starting to peak from the cool air and the arousal building between her legs. Caleb slowly moved down to mouth at her neck, running his tongue over her jaw and pressing a soft kiss to the bruise he had worried into her skin. Bit by bit, one of the hands that had been resting on her hip moved up and ghosted across her breast, causing her to suck in sharply. Caleb smiled, continuing to place deliberate kisses on her freckled skin, torturously slow, until he reached her other breast. Both hands were on her now, stroking the soft skin, and he nuzzled against her, breathing heavily, before taking one of her nipples into his mouth. Jester let out a long, low moan, the pleasure shooting straight to her cunt, which she knew had to be soaking wet already.

Caleb’s calloused thumb teased her other nipple, circling it until it was aroused enough for him to turn his attention to it, licking and sucking at her breast, drawing loud whines of pleasure out of Jester. When he pinched one of her nipples with his fingers and took the other between his teeth, she gasped and pulled his hair, eliciting a groan from Caleb that made her knees weak.

Suddenly, his hands moved to her hips and he pulled her down into his lap, making Jester yelp in surprise. She felt the whole of his desire, hard and wanting, in between her legs, and a twinge of lust bolted through her at the thought that her spread legs might leave a wet spot on his trousers.

Caleb kissed her hungrily, lifting Jester’s hands back up into his hair, wordlessly asking for more. He moaned desperately into her mouth when she gave an experimental little pull. Caleb’s hips jerked up into her and she ground down on that feeling, a needy sigh escaping her own lips. He pulled away from her briefly, one of his hands on her back to steady her, the other still lazily stroking one of her breasts. Caleb’s normally sparkling blue eyes were dark, his pupils blown so wide with lust that she could hardly see the irises.

“You are enjoying this, ja?” he panted between her breasts. “If you are not, please say so, I do not want to-“ Jester silenced him with a shamelessly ravenous kiss, biting his lower lip on her retreat.

“I am more than enjoying this,” Jester reassured him, giving a little grind of her hips to get him to make that sound again, the uncontrolled groan that was so erotic to her. “From the feel of it, you are too,” she said, eyebrows raised, grinning wickedly. Caleb smiled and sighed, looking up at her like she was a treasure.

“I cannot deny it,” he said, unconsciously rubbing his hand over her back. “It has…been some time.” His pale, freckled skin was flushed red with arousal, though she was unable to see how far his blush reached with his shirt still on. Jester folded her arms over her chest.

“If you don’t take your shirt off, Mister Cayleb Widogast, I’m going to put my clothes right back on and march out of here this minute!” she said, arching her back a little so her cleavage was closer to his face. Caleb chuckled.

“I thought you might like to undress me yourself, _Schatz,_ ” he teased. Jester bit her lip and smiled. She could be a tease too. She snuck her tail around and slid the tip under his shirt, relishing in the heat emanating from his skin. Caleb jumped in surprise and looked down, seeing her tail disappearing under his shirt. He let out a wanton moan and pulled Jester closer, hands on her ass, as she slid her tail spade over his chest.

Jester was surprised by how much her tail seemed to arouse Caleb, and she felt a rush of wetness between her legs at the thought of how much he desired her. She snuck her tail up through his chest hair, to the collar of his shirt, and ran the spade over his jaw, eliciting another keen from Caleb. He turned his head slightly, resting his cheek against her breast, and she almost jumped off his lap when Caleb took the tip of her tail into his mouth, licking the length of it and sucking on the end of the spade. Jester thought it might be the most erotic thing she had ever seen, or even imagined. Her tail wasn’t particularly sensitive, but the hungry attention he was lavishing on it made her lean back her head and shudder against him, unconsciously grinding her hips. He moaned around her tail and Jester’s cunt _ached_ at the sound and the way it shot right up her spine.

Gently, Jester took her tail back, and felt another twinge of heat at the way his lips followed it, almost chasing it. When she looked back at his face her belly trembled; Caleb looked ready to take her apart. His gaze was almost predatory, and she was very, _very_ willing prey.

Not breaking her gaze, Caleb lifted his shirt over his head, and Jester relished in the feeling of his hot skin against hers. Jester was pleased to see that the flush on Caleb’s face went most of the way down his torso, spreading from his heart, almost reaching the trail of copper hair that disappeared beneath the waistband of his pants.

In an instant, Caleb lifted her up and flipped her over, so her back was on the bed and her legs around his hips. He leaned over Jester and took her mouth in another ravenous kiss, his need very obvious now that she could see him better. And, she noted with a hint of satisfaction, she had left a bit of a wet spot on his lap.

Holding himself up, Caleb kissed Jester desperately as his fingers trailed down, over her sensitive stomach, and found the waistband of her underwear. He slipped two fingers barely underneath and then met her eyes again, asking for her approval.

 _“Yes,_ Cayleb, please, gods, touch me!”

Caleb grinned. “You can have anything you want, _meine Liebe_. You only need to ask.”

He didn’t need more encouragement than that; his fingers dipped between her labia, finding her hot and dripping. He closed his eyes and moaned softly, stroking her soft skin. Jester bit her lip and gave a needy whine.

 _“Please,_ Cayleb, fuck, touch me, _please_!” He dropped down to nibble at her neck and practically purred at her begging, fingers finding her clit immediately. A hot wave of pleasure washed over her and Jester didn’t care how loud she was, she cried out, bucking her hips into his touch.

“I told you I would take care of you,” Caleb growled, his breath hot in her ear. He slipped two fingers into her entrance and Jester cried again, clenching around him, dizzy with pleasure. “I am going to make you feel so good, Jester, I am going to make you to forget your own name, make you forget everything except _my_ name, _meine Schöne, meine Süsse, mein Schatz, meine_ Jester-“

At the sound of her name in Caleb’s thickly accented, lust-cracked voice, Jester came, _hard_ , feeling her walls spasm around his fingers with a gush, keening through her orgasm. Caleb stroked her through it, his touch getting lighter as she came down until it was too much and Jester squirmed away. Caleb lifted his dripping wet fingers to his mouth and licked them clean, savoring the taste of her. Forget whatever she had thought before was the most erotic thing she’d ever seen: that was it.

Caleb looked not a little smug, leaning over her to kiss her gently, her chest still heaving, tangling one of his hands in hers.

“You like it when I speak in my mother tongue, ja?” he murmured, lazily pressing kisses to her neck and shoulders. She hooked one of her legs around his hip and pushed him into her, her breath leaving her in a rush at the feeling of his cock pressed up against the place she so wanted it. He nearly shouted, crying out and twisting the sheets in his hand. “ _Scheisse!”_

Jester grinned wickedly at him. Caleb nuzzled into her jaw with a sigh, beard rasping against the marks he had left there. “You should be very proud,” he purred. “It is no small thing to make a man forget his second language.” He pressed a tender kiss to her cheek. “Do you feel sated, or would you like to keep going?” Jester furrowed her brow.

“You haven’t finished yet,” she said, pointing out the obvious, given how pressing his erection was between them.

“I did not ask about me, Blueberry,” Caleb said gently, his fingers brushing rhythmically over her breasts. “I told you, tonight is about you. I want you to have everything you want, and if you are still wanting, then I want to satisfy you.”

Jester carded her fingers through his hair, her heart leaping at the lovestruck expression on his face, the way he looked at her, like she was something precious.

“Well, I mean, you’ve already more than satisfied me, Cayleb, but- I want you to have a good time, too,” she said, feeling a little shy now. He almost laughed in disbelief.

“ _Schatzie,_ if you put your clothes back on right now and walked out that door, I would still lie here tonight the happiest man in Wildemount.” He rolled over onto his side and stroked her flank. “I want to please you, Jester. Tell me what you want. Anything I can give you, you can have.”

Jester’s arousal began to flare in her stomach again, deeper and more insistent, and she scooted in closer to kiss him again, running her fingers through Caleb’s chest hair, stroking her hands down his side and melting into the warmth of his arm around her. They lay like that for a few minutes, basking in the afterglow of her orgasm. She had a flashback again, the feeling of standing on the edge of the cliff, the waves lapping at the rock face.

“I want you to make love to me, Cayleb _,”_ she whispered, barely trusting her own voice not to squeak. She heard him breathe in sharply, and his hands pulled her closer, so their chests were pressed together.

“You are sure?” he asked, the lust-drunk look gone from his eyes, suddenly serious. “That is what _you_ want, ja, not what you think I want?”

“Well, I mean, if you don’t want it, that’s okay too-“ he covered her mouth with his, bringing her in for a loving kiss.

“I did not say that I did not want it - I want you more than anything, Jester - I just want to be sure that you want this, now, with me. I do not want you to have regrets.” She nuzzled into his chest, breathing in the heady scent of him, sweet and herbaceous and musky and erotic, a smell that raised something primal in her gut.

“I’m sure. This is what I want, I - have wanted it for a while now.” Caleb’s hands gripped her waist firmly and he kissed her so sweetly Jester never wanted to come up for air. She took his face in her hands. “Cayleb, trust me to know what I want, okay?” He nodded, eyes shut.

“Ja. I do.”

“Is this what you want, too?” she asked.

“More than anything,” he breathed. He opened his eyes and looked at her sternly. “But if you change your mind, at any time, it does not matter what we are doing, you will tell me, ja? You will not stay silent for fear of disappointing me? Because you could never disappoint me, no matter what, and I mean that with all that I have, Jester.” Jester nodded, eyes locked with his.

“Yes, I will,” she promised. Caleb sat up and rummaged in his bedside drawer, quickly finding a small, dusty vial of canary yellow liquid that he uncorked and drank down.

Seeing Jester’s quizzical expression, Caleb leaned over her and began to mouth at her neck. He ran his tongue up to her ear, and murmured, “The Xhorhaus probably does not need a bunch of little red-headed tieflings running around, ja, _Kätzchen_?” Jester giggled at the image but felt a wave of affection wash over her at Caleb’s thoughtfulness. In her intoxicated haze, she hadn’t really thought about that part.

Caleb began placing a trail of kisses from her neck down to her breast, where he slowly started to make another mark, biting and sucking. The sensation pulled a tide of arousal from Jester’s core, and she gazed down at him as he started to kiss down over her ribs and stomach. Caleb looked in absolute contentment. Jester didn’t doubt that he meant it when he said that she could put her clothes back on and leave and he would not be disappointed. He kneeled down on the floor in front of her and parted her thighs.

When Caleb looked up at her again, his eyes were burning with desire, and heat was building deep inside Jester again. Eyes closing, he started pressing gentle kisses on her hipbones and inner thighs, the rasp of his beard on the sensitive skin making Jester shudder.

Caleb hooked his fingers into the waistband of her soaked panties and pulled them down over her knees, kissing her calves and feet as he passed the lace over them. Jester felt another rush of anxiety as he made his way back up her legs, and Caleb must have felt her muscles tense under him. He stopped and met her eyes again, stroking her thigh softly.

“What is wrong, Jester?”

“Oh, nothing, you are doing a very good job, I just - I feel a little self conscious. I don’t really know if I’m, you know - pretty. Down there.” Caleb rested his cheek against her knee and took her hand in his.

“It is not possible that there is any part of you, even the tiniest corner, that is not gorgeous in my eyes, _Liebling_.” Caleb kissed her thigh softly. “But we do not have to do this, if you are not enjoying it.”

“No,” Jester said, “I do want it. I’m just nervous.”

“Well, let me see if I cannot take some of those nerves away, ja?” He winked at her, and her heart did another flip. The view of him on his knees in front of her was doing things to her insides. She couldn’t help but smile.

“Okay.”

“And if you do not like it, we will stop right away. There are other things I can do for you.”

With that, he parted her knees and nuzzled at her labia, sighing lustily at the scent of her. Spreading her a bit further, Caleb ran his tongue over her cunt, causing her to moan and arch up off the bed. She had never felt anything like _that_ before.

Jester threaded her fingers in his hair and pulled slightly, asking for more, and he groaned desperately. Taking her signal, he buried his face in her hot wetness, licking and sucking at her clit, her labia, his tongue teasing her entrance. In no time, he had Jester practically shouting, her fist in her mouth to muffle herself. Caleb reached up, not ceasing his ministrations, and tickled her elbow.

“None of that,” he murmured, pulling away just slightly, his blue eyes fiery and pupils blown. “I want to hear you, _Schatz._ ”

Gods, she hoped the rest of the Nein was still out. She hadn’t heard them return, but she had been, to put it lightly, a bit distracted. When he slipped the knuckle of one of his oh so _clever_ fingers inside her and sucked on her clit, Jester almost howled, hands grasping at the sheets.

“I want to hear how much you are enjoying being in my bed,” Caleb purred into her cunt, “I could not care less if you woke up the entire city letting me know.” That was so fucking _hot_ that Jester decided that she also didn’t care if all of Rosohna heard her.

Jester took her hand away from her mouth and let Caleb hear her gasps and stuttering breaths, her keening when he used his tongue in just the right way, and she even heard herself calling his name once or twice, too dizzy with pleasure to be ashamed.

When she propped herself up on her elbows to look at him, his eyes were closed, the ever-present worry lines gone. _He looks like a man in worship_. Though she was greatly enjoying herself, she was ready. _Take ten steps back, feel the dirt under your feet, smell the salt spray in the air._

Gently, she slipped the spade of her tail under his chin and guided his face up to look at her. The sight of his beard soaked with her slick was so erotic that she thought she might cum then and there.

Jester didn’t have to say a word. Caleb climbed up over her, giving her a slow, tender kiss. She could taste herself on his lips, and moaned into his mouth at how hot it was.

“You are so beautiful, Jester _,_ ” Caleb whispered in her ear. “I could spend from now until Highsummer on my knees with my head between your thighs and still ask for more.” Jester moaned again and pulled him closer for another kiss, her tongue claiming every inch of that beautiful, talented mouth.

When they broke apart, Jester adjusted herself so her horns were touching the headboard, a pillow under her neck for comfort. Caleb unlaced his trousers and took them off, and Jester had another rush of nerves looking at his flushed, thick cock. She couldn’t really imagine how it would feel inside her, but the sight of it filled her with a deep, burning want.

Caleb took one of his pillows and guided her to lift her hips. She did, and he slid it under, pulling her hips down at the same time so she was further down the bed.

“This ought to make you more comfortable. And I, ah, don’t want your head to hit the headboard,” he said softly. _He sounds as nervous as you are._

Caleb parted her thighs again, gently, and settled between them, leaning down to kiss her on her lips, her cheek, her neck, and gently stroking her thigh with one hand. The silence between them was broken only by the sound of their panting, and Jester was sure Caleb could feel the anxious vibrations rolling underneath her skin.

“Are you ready, _Schatz_?” he whispered into her ear. Not trusting her own voice, she nodded, taking his chin in her hand for one more kiss. Caleb dipped his fingers between her legs and stroked his cock with her slick, breath shallow. He lined himself up with her entrance and she felt the head of his cock slide between her labia. _Take a running start, push off with your right foot, leave the ground behind._

Jester hissed when Caleb slowly pushed into her, only part of the way, feeling herself burn and stretch to accommodate him. She squeezed her eyes shut and could feel herself grimace. Caleb bent down and showered her with kisses and praises, body trembling, stroking her hair.

“I know, I know, _mein kätzchen_ , you are so good, Jester, you are doing so well for me….” After a minute or so, the pain dulled to a pleasurable stretch, and Jester canted her hips forward slightly to tell Caleb that she wanted more. He pressed a kiss to her cheek and lifted his torso up, bracing himself against her leg. Caleb bottomed out inside her, letting out a cry like she hadn’t yet heard him make. For a few seconds, Jester felt the burn again, but faster than at first, it diminished to a gentle stretch. The pressure and fullness felt like nothing she’d experienced before. He felt so hot and big inside her, and being so close to him was so overwhelming she wanted to cry.

Caleb lifted one of her legs slightly, over his forearm, and began to massage her clit, and Jester moaned, loud and needy, at the way the touch felt with him inside her. She could tell, from the way his arms quaked around her, that Caleb was struggling to maintain his composure, and she felt pride and arousal swell in her stomach at watching him come undone. He slowly started to thrust his hips forward, testing her reaction.

Jester moaned, long and gasping, overwhelmed by the pleasure, between his cock inside her, his hand on her clit, and the stuttering gasps Caleb was making that went straight to the orgasm building in her core. She noticed, after a few moments, that when he thrust back in, he didn’t bury himself in her the way she wanted.

“Cayleb,” she panted, “ _please just fuck me_.” Caleb let out a long moan and stopped holding back. He started rubbing her clit faster, thrusting deeper into her, his cock dragging against the spot inside her that made her cry out, legs shaking against him. Caleb reached above her and braced himself against the headboard, which was already thumping loudly against the wall, but Jester was too far gone to care how much noise they were making.

Through her haze, Jester couldn’t take her eyes off Caleb, who looked absolutely, beautifully _wrecked._ His copper hair was falling in his face, his lips kiss-swollen and red, beard mussed from eating her out. His pale, freckled skin was flushed bright red, except where she had left her own bite marks, claiming him in return. Caleb’s hand on her clit obstructed some of the view, but Jester could see how his length rhythmically disappeared into her, making gorgeous wet sounds, raising more want in her gut. When Jester wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down to be flush against her, she heard that his Common had left him again. Softly, Caleb was panting, interrupted only by his desperate kisses on her face and neck,

“ _Jester_ , _meine schöne, wundervolle, perfekte, bezaubernde Jester, ich liebe dich, ich will dich, ich gehöre dir-“_

Hearing her name like a prayer on his lips brought Jester to the edge. On Caleb’s next thrust, his cock pushed against that sensitive place that made her see stars, and Jester dug her nails into his back, barely managing to gasp out-

“Ah, ah, ah, _Cayleb!_ ”

-before her second orgasm overtook her, exploding from deep in her core. Jester felt her cunt clench around Caleb’s cock, so tight she almost pushed him out, gushing over him for the second time that night. Her limbs shook and she cried out in heaving sobs. Right on the heels of her orgasm, she felt Caleb bury himself in her, his muscles tense and trembling; Jester felt a flood of heat and wet inside her, and he almost _keened_.

For a long moment, Caleb and Jester just held one another, catching their breath, pressing fevered kisses to wherever they could reach. Caleb slid out of her, rolling over onto his back. She watched him sleepily draw a glyph in the air, and the sweat and sex that had accumulated on both of them lifted off her skin and dissipated. Though she was glad to be clean, the knowledge that she still carried some of him inside her made her shiver.  
  
“That was…” she started. Caleb looked over at her, searching her face; she could see a touch of anxiety in the corners of his eyes. “Well, I don’t really know what, _amazing_ doesn’t feel good enough. I say that about lots of stuff. I said that about a donut yesterday.”

“Was it at least a good donut, Blueberry?” Caleb asks with a small smirk, one arm behind his head, eyes closed.

“Yes, it was a very good donut, but I would still rather have _that_.”

“I’m very glad to hear my performance outranks pastry, at least for now.”

“Well, I didn’t say _all_ pastry, don’t be too full of yourself,” she teased.

Caleb slipped an arm behind her shoulders and pulled her close, pressing a tender kiss to the top of her head. Jester nestled into the crook of his arm, sighing in contentment. The scent of his skin filling her nose, the softness of his chest hair on her cheek, the rhythmic sound of his heartbeat in her ear- Jester felt like she could lay here forever.

It didn’t take long for Caleb’s breath to even out, and Jester was pleased that he was getting some much-needed sleep, if the permanent shadows under his eyes were any indication. She tossed one of her legs over his waist, nestled in, and sleep wasn’t far behind for her either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mein Kätzchen: my kitten
> 
> Schatz: lit. "treasure", colloquially, darling, sweetheart, etc.
> 
> meine Liebe: my love
> 
> meine Schöne, meine Süsse, mein Schatz, meine Jester: my beautiful, my sweet, my darling, my Jester
> 
> Scheisse: shit
> 
> Liebling: lit. "favorite", colloquially, love, sweetheart, etc.
> 
> Jester, meine schöne, wundervolle, perfekte, bezaubernde Jester, ich liebe dich, ich will dich, ich gehöre dir: Jester, my beautiful, wonderful, perfect, charming Jester, I love you, I want you, I am yours


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, when Jester awoke, the first thing to come into her awareness was the overwhelming need to pee. When she blearily opened her eyes, her surroundings were unfamiliar. _Where….am I?_

She felt a weight on her waist, warmth at her back. _You’re still in Caleb’s room._ Jester jumped up out of bed.

“Shit, shit, fuck, balls, son of a bitch!” she hissed, scrambling for her clothes. Caleb awoke instantly, sleep still clouding his eyes.  
  
“Jester? What’s wrong?” He moved to cover himself with the sheet and she threw it back, looking for her slip.

“I stayed overnight!” she groaned. His face fell.

“Oh. Well- I mean, you were welcome to, I did not - want you to leave, if that is what you are thinking. You did not want to stay?” Jester pulled her crumpled slip over her head and scooped up her dress and shoes. She ran around to Caleb’s side of the bed and planted a kiss on his forehead.

“No, I wanted to, I just, Beau will know I didn’t come back to our room after the party!” Jester couldn’t focus, eyes flitting around the room for any clothing she might have left. She hadn’t really considered this contingency when she and Beau opted to room together.

“Okay, okay, just a moment, Jester, we can think of something, ja?” She sat down on the bed, clothes still in her arms, and Caleb scooted up next her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Could you tell Beau you went home with someone last night? Not…technically false.” Jester shook her head.

“I don’t think she’d believe that. Beau knows I’m a virgin.” Jester paused. “Well, was.” Caleb’s face flushed and he cleared his throat.

“I think that you should decide how you want to approach…this. With the others. I will respect your decision. But if we wait too much longer, the group will awaken and the decision will be made for us. It is still very early in the morning, but I suspect at least Caduceus will be awake soon.”

Jester felt nausea twisting in her stomach. She didn’t even know what _this_ was yet. For all she knew, it was a one night stand, or maybe he wanted to remain just as friends, but keep doing _that_. What if, worse, he thought it was a mistake and they shouldn’t have? They hadn’t exactly done a lot of talking last night.

“I want to keep it between us,” she said softly. He nodded and pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

“Whatever you want, _Schatz._ ” _  
  
_“But I think Beau will have to know because I won’t be able to sneak around her. Is that okay?” Jester searched his face anxiously. Maybe that was too much for him, others knowing, maybe he was already regretting what they did-

“If you think that is what is best, it is alright with me,” he replied, face unreadable. Jester sighed, and a small part of her, under the nerves, felt touched that he had so much trust in her, in her judgment.  
  
“Okay. I’m going to go upstairs. I…” She didn’t quite know what the right thing to say was when you were on your way out someone’s door who you might be in love with, but they might not want you like that, but also it’s the morning after, and you just lost your virginity to that aforementioned someone, and you’re holding your underwear in your hand. Jester didn’t suppose “bye” was the appropriate option here. “I’ll see you later,” she managed. He smiled and squeezed her hand.

“Ja.”

Jester tiptoed out into the library as quietly as she could, easing the door shut behind her, through the training room, then the hallway. Silently, she cursed the fact that Caleb’s room was as far as it possibly could be from the staircase. She hadn’t really thought of it as far, until she was trying very hard to sneak back to her room without being seen or heard.

Padding softly up the stairs, Jester finally reached her and Beau’s bedroom. She prayed the door wouldn’t squeak when she opened it. It didn’t make a sound, but her roommate immediately jumped out of bed and into a combative stance. After a second, Beau realized that it was only Jester in the door, and put her arms out to her sides.

“Dude! What the fuck! We looked all over for you last before we left the Bastion.” Beau’s eyes took in Jester’s state, hair mussed, only wearing her slip, and immediately her face filled with worry. Beau stepped over to her and started to inspect her.

“Jester, what happened? Are you alright?” Jester threw her arms around Beau’s neck and pulled her in for a hug.

“Don’t worry about me, Beau, I’m totally fine.” Now Beau was just confused.

“O…kaaaay.” She looked over Jester again and raised her eyebrows. Her eyes fell on Jester’s hickeys and the puzzle pieces clicked. “OH. Okay.” Jester flushed and walked past Beau to hang her dress in the closet before it wrinkled further. Beau jumped back into her bed. “Damn, didn’t know Widogast bites. Kinky motherfucker.” Jester whirled around.

“You can’t tell _anyone_ , Beau, okay? Not anyone!” Beau jerked upright.

“I was completely joking, what the fuck are _you_ talking about?” Jester groaned in frustration and ran her hands over her face before she came over to sit on the edge of her own bed.

“Okay, listen, last night, I - I came home with Cayleb, okay? And I fell asleep downstairs.” Beau was staring at her, slack jawed. “It’s - I don’t really know what’s happening right now. But you can’t tell _anyone_ , please, Beau.”

“No, obviously, I’m not going to tell anyone about your _sex_ life, Jester, I just - holy _shit. Gross.”_ Beau lifted herself up on one elbow. “Jes, I love you to death, and I want you to be happy. I just need you to know that if you ever want to talk about what’s going on with you and Caleb, please, _please,_ from the bottom of my heart, go to someone else.” The monk rolled over and pulled up her covers. “G’night.” Jester couldn’t help but smile, climbing into her own bed.

“Love you too, Beau,” she said quietly.

~~~

Caleb couldn’t fall back asleep after Jester left. He laid awake, his mental clock ticking the minutes by, and he tried not to let the restlessness pull him out of bed. With her gone, the certainty, the confidence that had filled him last night dissipated, and the doubts started to creep back in.

_You are a selfish man, Caleb Widogast. That woman is going to run from you the second she finds out what a monster you are. You thought tumbling into bed with her would make that go away? All you’ve done is made it harder for her to go. You didn’t do that because you love her, you did it for yourself, because you want her, and it is just like you to take without caring who you hurt-_

Caleb could feel the shadows swirling at the edge of his mind, turning the warm glow in his heart, the memory, into something awful. He swung his legs out of bed and got up to get dressed. He just needed to go out, go for a walk, anything was better than lying in that dark room alone.

Out on the street, Rosohna was not quite yet awake. A few people were on the street, early morning laborers on their way to work, the last stragglers returning home from taverns or from strangers’ bedrooms. Caleb walked and walked, the constant movement and sounds of the early morning keeping him from sinking back into those thoughts.

Before long, Caleb found himself outside the Lucid Bastion, the manicured gardens around the base of the hill providing a safe and orderly space to occupy his mind.

He had to break her heart. There was no way around it.

When he returned to the Xhorhaus, hot bear claws in hand, only Caduceus was awake, brewing tea in the kitchen.

“Ah, good morning, Caduceus, did you have a nice evening?”

The firbolg smiled and poured him a cup of tea.

“It was lovely. I met many interesting people. The music was nice. How was your evening?”

Caleb tried to hide the flush in his face and sipped his tea, not meeting Caduceus’s gaze.

“It was very nice, ja,” he murmured.

“You seem troubled,” Caduceus observed. Caleb sighed.

“You are quite perceptive, my friend.”

“What’s on your mind?” Caduceus asked, leaning against the counter. Caleb paused for a moment, unsure how to respond. “Is it Jester?” Caleb almost choked on his tea.

“Sorry?”

“You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to, but, ah, you weren’t wrong when you said I was perceptive. And no offense, but - I have quite large ears.” Caleb was sure he was beet red. _Not really any point in lying. “_ But those ears are yours, if you need them.”

“Ja, well, things are…difficult.”  
  
“You aren’t together.” Caduceus didn’t ask, he simply stated.

“No.”

“Do you want to be?” Caleb sighed again.

“It is not that simple, Herr Caduceus.”

“But is that what you want?” Caduceus’s intense purple eyes never left him.

“I - I am not sure.”

“It seems that to me that perhaps the storm in your head would subside if you knew clearly what you wanted,” Cad said gently.

“It is not so simple as whether I want to be…together,” Caleb explained quietly. “I am not good for her. I want her, but I also want her to be happy, and safe, and to thrive, and that cannot happen with me. So I want two things that cannot both happen. There are things in my past, Cad, that I cannot erase, and which she does not know. She does not really know the kind of man I am. I do. So I have to make the hard decision for the both of us.”

The two men stood in silence for a few moment, drinking their tea. Caduceus was the first to speak.

“When somebody dies, one of the hardest things for the survivors is coping when they find out things about their loved one that they didn’t know. Sometimes they are big things, sometimes they are small things. But regardless of the magnitude, those left behind often feel a great deal of pain, like they didn’t truly know this person who meant so much to them, because no matter how many decades or even centuries they spent together, there was part of them that remained walled off.

“I have buried people, though, who were vulnerable with the people they loved, some whom had truly terrible secrets in their pasts, but those they left behind loved them with eyes wide open. They chose that person, every bit of them, scars and all. When they have to part, they grieve knowing that they loved that person as hard and as thoroughly as they could.

“Let her choose you, or not, as she wishes. Tell her what you need to tell her, and she will decide if she wants to dive in, eyes wide open, or walk away. I’ve seen a lot of people pick up the pieces after someone they loved chose ‘for the both of them’. Trust her to decide for herself.”

Caleb was quiet for a long moment.

“Thank you, Caduceus. I appreciate your words. I must ask for your discretion in this matter, however, Jester has not wanted to make anything…public knowledge and I want to respect her wishes.”

“Of course,” Caduceus said with a pleasant smile.

Gradually, the Nein made their way downstairs for breakfast, one by one. Caleb and Caduceus were already at the table in companionable silence, Caleb transcribing spells and Caduceus sorting his tea blends.

“Mornin’,” Fjord mumbled, holding his head. Caduceus slid the teapot towards him.

“You seemed to have an enjoyable card game last night, Mister Fjord.”

“Well, it might have been more enjoyable had I not been too drunk to catch Nott cheating.”

“Ah, ja, she does that, you have to be careful with her,” Caleb said, eyes still on his book. Fjord snorted in agreement and reached into the pastry bag on the table.

“Thanks for the tip, Cay,” Fjord mumbled. “It’s always bear claws, who in this house likes fuckin bear claws so much?”

“Me!” a familiar sing-song voice called. Caleb felt his pulse quicken and he couldn’t keep a smile off his face.

Jester, bright and cheerful as ever, plopped down onto the bench across from Fjord and dug out a bear claw.

“Cayleb buys them because he knows they’re my favorite. If you told him your favorite, he would probably bring those home too,” she teased.

“Ja, she is right, Fjord,” Caleb agreed. “I do not think I have ever heard you express a fondness for a particular sweet. If you did, I would certainly buy them. I am an equal opportunity pastry purchaser.” Caleb caught Jester’s eye and gave her a wink, his heart swelling at the beautiful smile it elicited. Fjord looked over at him.

“I think that’s the most words I’ve ever heard you say in a row. What’s put a pep in your step? And for the record, I do enjoy those little upside down apple tarts they make down the road.” Caleb shrugged.

“I slept well last night, that is all.” Not a lie. For once, he had fallen into an uninterrupted, blessedly dreamless sleep.

“Well I’m very glad to hear that, Caleb, you needed it,” Nott said, the top of her head barely visible over the table. The goblin hopped up on the bench next to him and got herself a pastry. “It’s a good thing you left early last night.”

Beau appeared around the corner and immediately avoided looking at Caleb. She sat down next to Jester.

“I would love if the entire world could be like, half as loud,” she groaned.

“Hungover, Beauregard? Have some tea,” Caduceus offered. She barely lifted her head from the table.

“Unless it has bacon in it, literally don’t even put it near me.”

“Jester, where’d you get off to last night?” Fjord asked. “We were looking for you all over and we finally gave up and went home.” Jester fidgeted.

“Oh, well, I-“

“Jester told me she was going to another party with some drow girls she met,” Beau interrupted. “I just forgot because, y’know, I was drunk out of my ass.” Caleb glanced up at Beau and met her glare. He flushed and dropped his eyes to his book. As gruff as Beau was, she did do her friends a solid every once in a while.

“Was the other party fun at least?” Nott asked Jester.

“Oh, yeah, it was _very_ fun,” Jester replied with an innocent expression. Caleb could have sworn he heard a quiet retching noise from Beau and bit back a smile.

Nott stood on the bench to reach over Caleb for a cup of Caduceus’s tea, to which she unsubtly added a dash of whiskey. Before she sat back down, she stared at the neckline of Caleb’s shirt, where a bit of shoulder was exposed, with a confused look.

“Caleb, what happened to your back?”

“Hmm?” he looked up at her, brow furrowed.

“Good gods, you look like you got in a fight with Frumpkin,” Nott cried, pulling back more of his shirt to inspect his scratched shoulders. “What happened to you?” Caleb wished desperately at that moment that he knew _Invisibility_. He was certain his face was as red as his hair, but he couldn’t help his arousal at the idea that Jester had gripped him so tightly last night she’d left furrows in his back.

“Ah, it probably was Frumpkin,” Caleb said quickly, gently pushing Nott’s tiny hands away before she revealed more of the marks Caleb knew were lurking under his shirt, most of which could not be passed off as Frumpkin. “Sometimes he sleeps in bed with me - he must have scratched me in the middle of the night.”

“You must have been out cold not to have felt that,” Nott said. “Pelor’s _balls_.”

Beau stood up from the table unexpectedly.

“I’m gonna go expel this hangover from my body, if you hear me puking, it’s for a good cause.” Her eyes bored into Caleb and he flushed darker, if that were possible.

~~~

Later that day, Jester was in her room. She had gone up to doodle to the Traveler, but she found herself too antsy and distracted to do anything good. Jester sighed, sat back, and cast _Sending_.

 _Hi Mama, are you there? I want to talk to you about something._ There was a pause before her mother’s voice filled her head.

 _-Yes, my love, I am always here for you. What’s on your mind?_ Jester sighed with relief, trying to choose her words carefully.

 _Well, okay, it’s a long story, but I think that I might be in love with Caleb, you met him when we came to Nicodranas-_ She cast _Sending_ again.

 _And so I maybe slept with him last night? And I think he might love me too, but I don’t know what to do now._ Another pause, this one longer than the first.

 _-Oh, my little sapphire._ Jester thought she heard her mother sigh. _Yes, I remember. Do you want to be with him? Does he make you happy?_

_I think so, Mama. He does. But I don’t know if that’s what he wants. I don’t want…to get hurt._

_-Well, hurt is the risk you take when you open yourself up to loving someone. You need to talk to him, but first you need-_

_I need what, Mama?_ Another pause.

_-You need to decide what you want. And you have to be prepared that Caleb may not want the same. Whatever happens…don’t settle for-_

_For what?_

_-For something that doesn’t make you feel fully loved._ Jester paused, but her mother didn’t elaborate.

 _Do you mean, like, I shouldn’t have sex with him?_ Marion sighed.

_-I mean that if you do, and you want something more and he doesn’t, you can easily get your heart broken, my love._

_Thanks, Mama. You give the best advice. I’ll talk to you later, okay? I love you._

_-Of course, little sapphire. I love you too._

Jester lay back on her bed. _You’ve just got to talk to him. No way around it._ When she thought back to last night, to how good Caleb felt kissing her, touching her, inside her, she desperately wanted more of it. But she knew that if he didn’t want to be with her, her mother was right, she had to resist that want. And, she was already so on edge from not knowing what was happening, that it also wasn’t an option for her to just continue how they were without defining it.

Jester sighed and got up out of bed to walk to the library. Her breath was shallow and her pulse racing, each step requiring all of her focus, or she’d turn around and go right back upstairs. Finally, she reached the library door and opened the door cautiously.

Caleb was sitting at his desk, reading, long legs perched on the arm of the couch. Jester’s heart beat faster and her stomach flip flopped. He looked so handsome, sitting there with a pencil between his teeth, his brow furrowed in concentration. His coat was on the back of his chair, and she felt her chest ache with want at the intimacy of seeing him like this, in just his shirtsleeves and book harness. When she closed the door softly behind her, Caleb put his book down and sat up.

“Jester? What is it?”

Her anxiety must have been written on her face, but deep inside, she was warmed by his concern.

“Can we talk?” she asked, voice trembling. His expression fell.

“Ah, ja, of course. Here, or-?”

“Is Nott working in the lab?”

“No, I believe she is out.”

“Okay, well, um, can we go to your room then?” He nodded, and, still looking grim, stood and gestured toward the door. Jester walked towards it slowly, like she was moving through molasses, her heart pounding, feeling like she was on her way to her own execution.

_Fuck, he’s dreading this conversation. He’s going to turn you down. Just don’t cry when he does it, you’ll just embarrass yourself more._

Caleb followed her, closing the door behind him. Jester stood in the middle of the room, fidgeting, unsure where to put herself. The bed felt too presumptuous but the doorway looked too much like she was going to flee, however badly she wanted to do just that. Caleb avoided her eyes but sat on the end of the bed, facing her.

“You should feel free to sit, if you would be more comfortable.”

 _Fuck, he’s being_ so nice _to you, he feels bad for you-_

“Or not, as you wish,” he added awkwardly. Jester swallowed a lump in her throat and tried to push down the swelling that threatened to creep in.

“Do you want to talk about last night?” Caleb asked quietly, worried blue eyes meeting hers.

“I, well, yeah,” she answered lamely. “I - I mean, I had a really, _really_ good time, I’m - okay.” Jester sighed and started again. She cast her gaze over his head, at the wall, so she could just get it out without looking at him. “I meant what I said last night, on the balcony. I want you, Cayleb. I want to be with you. I don’t know if that’s what you want, but that’s what I want, and I need to tell you because if I don’t I’ll explode.”

“You are not…regretting what we did?” he asked, taking her hand in his. She wanted to lean into his touch, but merely squeezed his hand in return.

“No. No way.” Caleb sighed in relief.

“I thought that was what you wanted to say. Jester…it is not that I do not want to be with you also….”

“I sense a ‘but’,” she said, feeling hot tears spring to her eyes. Caleb pulled her towards the bed, guiding her to sit next to him. He was silent for a moment.

“Jester, last night, you asked me to trust you to know what you want.” Caleb looked up at the ceiling, a pained expression on his face. “I am a weak man, _Schatz_ , a selfish man. I have wanted to simply push you away and deny how I feel about you, thinking you would be better off. But I know that…what is good for you is not for me to decide. I do want to be with you. But I cannot do so without you…knowing me truly.” Caleb slowly reached behind him and unbuckled one of his books from the harness. He looked right at her now and Jester saw tears in his eyes. From behind his back, he pulled a worn, stained, leather-bound book, and laid it between them.

“I have told you before, that I have done things, things that have ruined me and that I cannot take back. I have not shared them with you because, as I said, I am weak, and I am selfish, and I knew that if I told you, you would never…look at me the same way again.” He touched the book lightly with his long, delicate fingers.

“This is my journal. It….has everything. My past. I want you to read it. You need to know, so you can…go in with eyes wide open. Or to walk away, if that is what you choose. I wanted to simply tell you no, to protect you, but I respect you too much, Jester, to make your decisions for you. My heart belongs to you already, whether you decide to be my partner or not. But you have to know this, to know what kind of man you are choosing.”

Caleb pressed the journal into her hands. Jester took it, silent for a moment. She ran her fingers over the worn leather cover, the clasp holding it shut, the thin paper with stained and wrinkled edges. She held it to her nose. The book smelled of Caleb, and faintly of smoke, and iron, and age. Then, silently, she handed it back to him. Caleb didn’t take it, only stared at her.

“I already know what kind of man I’m choosing, Cayleb,” Jester said quietly. “I don’t care what’s in this book. I don’t need this to know you. I know you. This journal belongs to somebody else. You aren’t him anymore. My eyes are open, and I see _you_ very clearly.”

There was silence between them for a moment.

“I’m yours,” Jester said, her voice barely above a whisper, her heart pounding in her ears. “If you’ll have me.”

Caleb gingerly took the journal back from her and placed it to the side. His hands reached up, trembling, and he he drew her in for a soft, sweet kiss. Jester felt hot tears melt onto her cheeks, and she couldn’t be sure if they were his or hers.

Breaking away from his lips, Jester climbed into Caleb’s lap and held his head to her chest. He wrapped his arms around her like he thought she might vanish if he didn’t hold her tightly enough.

“Someday,” she murmured, “I want to know what’s in there. Because it’s part of you. But I don’t need to know a stranger in order to choose the man in front of me.” Caleb pressed desperate kisses to Jester’s cheeks and collarbone.

“I am stupidly, recklessly, madly in love with you, Jester Lavorre.” Jester’s heart swelled and her throat tightened with emotion.

“I love you with all of my heart, Cayleb,” she sighed. The words felt so right leaving her, none of the hesitation over it like in her books. She wanted to say it and so she did. The two stayed like that for a long while, holding each other. Jester stood, facing Caleb, who still sat at the end of the bed.

“Do you have more of those potions?” Caleb looked to his nightstand and she could see the gears turning.

“Uh, ja, I believe I have a few.”

“Good.”

Caleb was taken by surprise when Jester climbed into his lap and began kissing him fiercely. He wrapped his arms around her waist, melting into the feeling of her lips, hot and wanting against his. He moaned shamelessly into her mouth, his cock already stirring in his trousers with anticipation. The weight of her in his lap, the heat of her tongue ravishing his mouth, his hands drifting down to the fullness of her ass, her thighs around his waist - it was all threatening to be too much, too soon. He needed to simmer down.

Caleb scooted the two of them backwards onto the bed, and laid down to try to roll to the side. His brain short-circuited when Jester pinned him down by his shoulders, tail whipping behind her. Jester grinned wickedly, the tips of her fangs visible over her bottom lip, and Caleb found the sight so endearing and _so_ hot.

“Have I displeased you, _Kätzchen_?” Caleb laughed.

“No,” she said slyly, still straddling him. Jester leaned down and nipped at his neck, her voice like honey in his ear. “But you got to take the lead last night. Now I’m driving this cart.” Caleb let out a stuttering gasp, blood rushing straight between his legs. “Is that alright with you?” she murmured in his ear, still licking and sucking at his neck.

“ _Yes,_ ” he managed, feeling his hips jerk upwards into hers. This was _not “_ simmering down”. “ _Bitte, Schatz_.”

Jester slipped her hands under his shirt and ran her nails up and down his sides, making him shiver.

“You made me feel _so_ good last night, Cayleb,” she purred, pausing to suck a fresh bruise into his neck. “I’m going to shut that clever brain of yours off for a little while and return the favor.”

“It was not a favor,” he reminded her, trying to focus on anything other than her beautiful eyes staring at him, ready to take him apart. “I enjoyed it very much.” Jester began to open his shirt and shifted down his body, pressing kisses to his chest. She nuzzled her nose in his chest hair and took one of his nipples in her mouth, eliciting a low moan. Caleb was very conscious of the fact that they were not alone in this house, and tried to restrain his noises as much as possible.

“Well,” Jester said sweetly, running her tongue down the trail of copper hair on the lower part of his stomach, dipping her tongue just under the waistband of his trousers. Caleb gripped the sheets and writhed when her fangs brushed over the sensitive skin. “You did _such_ a good job eating me out. If I don’t reciprocate the kindness, what’ll that make me, Widogast?” She winked at him, her eyes burning with desire.

 _I’ll make you_ _a Widogast_.

The thought surprised him, and he felt a little embarrassed, but also intensely aroused. He tried to push the words down and noticed then that Jester was undoing his laces. She mouthed at the stiff outline of his cock; the warmth and too-much-not-enough of it made him groan, long and low. When she slid her hand into his trousers and her burning hot fingers wrapped around him, he shot out his hand and grabbed her wrist.

_“Jester!”_

The playful look on her face was gone now, and she withdrew her hand quickly. “I’m sorry,” she said, leaning over him with concern. “You don’t like that?”

“No, no, _meine Liebe_ ,” he said, kissing the palm and wrist of her hand. “I like it, ah, a little too much. I need to - calm down a bit, or this will be over, for me at least, very quickly.” He flushed with embarrassment, if it were possible for him to be redder, and Jester nodded. She rolled onto her side and put a hand to his cheek.

“Is this okay, then?” she asked, bringing him in for a soft, slow kiss.

“Ja,” he murmured into her lips, stroking her face gently. They lay like that for a few minutes, exploring one another with fingers and mouths, in no rush. While Caleb’s erection didn’t flag, the hot ache of urgency, threatening to release at the slightest touch, dissipated, replaced by a deep, warm wanting in his belly, and he gently guided Jester back on top of him.

“You’re ready to keep going?” she confirmed and Caleb nodded, pressing kisses to some of the marks he had left on her last night. Her tail started whipping around in excitement and she gave him that devilish smile again, the one that sent a wave of heat right to his cock. “Good,” she hummed in his ear. Jester bent down to suck another bruise into his neck and Caleb stretched his head back to give her better access, sighing at the pleasure that came with a slight edge of pain from the bite of her fangs.

“You seem to enjoy putting those on me,” he teased, and enjoyed the slight violet flush he got in response.

“Well, I have to make sure all the pretty girls and boys who are always looking at you know that you’re mine,” she said, with a voice smooth and sweet as syrup, and he heard a small, needy whine escape his lips.

“I _am_ yours,” he breathed.

Caleb’s every nerve ending was on fire as she returned to her spot between his legs, drawing him out of his trousers with gentle fingers.

“You - uh - you do not have to do this, Jester,” he managed.

“I want to,” she insisted, and slowly licked a stripe up his cock. Caleb threw his head back and positively _keened_ , trying to stay quiet but melting under her touch. Jester opened her mouth and took him in, and for a moment, the only thing in his mind was the delicious feeling of her hot, wet mouth enveloping him. Caleb knew she hadn’t done this before, but when her teeth accidentally scraped him as she seated his cock in her mouth, he shivered and unconsciously jerked his hips up, making her moan in a way that surprised them both. He felt the hum in her throat coursing through him, and he reached down to stroke her hair.

“You are doing such a good job, _Liebling_ , you are making me feel so good, Jester, so soft and warm for me,” he murmured, running his fingers through her hair. Caleb remembered his own “firsts” and how anxious he was then to receive reassurance that he was doing it right. He wanted so badly to praise Jester, to let her know how good it was for him. As he ran his hands through her hair, he found her horns, and softly, experimentally, brushed his fingers over their length. Unexpectedly, Jester let out a lusty moan that he felt all the way up his spine. Her eyelids fluttered shut and she took him deeper.

“You you like having your horns touched, _Schatz_?” Caleb asked. Jester moaned again as he stroked them, her tail slapping the bed. He couldn’t wait to find out everything that made her make noises like that. The sound of her sighs and moans when he handled her horns, and the strange, new sensation of them, was deeply erotic and he felt his orgasm building again under the surface.

_Knock, knock, knock._

They both froze. Had he remembered to lock his bedroom door?

“Caleb? Are you in there?” Nott’s voice rang out.

“Nott, do not come in, please!” Caleb called. “I am - ah - getting changed.”

“Okay, I can wait. I’m just going around collecting laundry, I’m washing a bunch of stuff.”

“I will bring it to you later, ja? It is -“ he sucked in sharply when Jester reached up and tweaked his nipple. Her eyes were mischievous and gods, it was so fucking hot watching her tease him with her mouth stretched around his cock- “it is just going to be a little while,” he finished lamely. Jester swirled her tongue over his head and Caleb bit his lip to stifle a moan. Nott was silent for a second. Caleb prayed the door was enough to keep any incriminating sounds from her perceptive ears.

“Alright, well, I’ll come get it later then.”

“Sure, Nott, thank you.” He waited until he heard her walk away before locking the door with a flick of his wrist. Caleb ran a hand through Jester’s hair and sighed. “You little minx.”

Jester smiled and lifted his hand back up to her horn with a wink. He couldn’t help but smile back, his orgasm continuing to build. The view was so enticing, Jester bent over, sucking his cock lustily, her ass in the air and tail whipping behind her. He noticed for the first time that she was palming her breasts through her dress with one hand, rolling her nipples between her fingers. _That_ was an image to put away for a rainy day; Caleb silently blessed his keen memory. He wanted to touch her so badly, to make her feel good, but he couldn’t reach from here- Unless-

Trying hard to focus with Jester’s mouth on him, not an easy feat, Caleb subtly summoned his mage hand behind Jester. The spectral hand reached down and stroked her ass and Jester yelped in surprise.

“It’s okay, it’s only me, Blueberry,” he quickly reassured her. Jester’s mouth slid off his cock with a gorgeously wet sound and she twisted to look behind her, now seeing the translucent hand floating behind her. “I - I wanted to touch you, to pleasure you, but I cannot reach,” Caleb explained, suddenly shy. “Is this alright?” Jester looked at him with excitement.

“ _Yes!”_

Jester bent back down and began to lick and suck at him again, and Caleb’s hand reached down, between her thighs and gently rubbed at her over her underwear. Jester groaned and took his cock in further, spreading her legs for him. He kept his real hands on her horns, stroking and squeezing them, and pushed aside her underwear to run his fingers between her labia. He found her clit by listening for her desperate whines of pleasure, and began to rub her.

“I cannot feel you, _Schatzie,_ so you will have to tell me when you are ready for more,” Caleb murmured to her, taking her face in his hand, gently pulling her off his cock. He was so aroused now, between feeling Jester sucking him down and watching her moan and writhe under his touch (real and arcane), and he wanted to stave off his orgasm as long as he could. Jester rested her cheek on his hip, eyes closed, while Caleb played with her, and it was so erotic to watch her flush and keen and come apart at his ministrations, when he couldn’t even really feel them.

“More, Cayleb, please, I need more,” Jester panted. Her hot breath against his spit-slicked cock felt divine and he quickly found her entrance, pushing two fingers inside. He delighted in the obscene wet sounds her cunt made and her moans and whines as he fingered her open.

“Do you like that, _Liebling_? My fingers inside you, opening you, getting you ready for my cock?” Caleb didn’t know where the words were coming from, but Jester groaned and spread her legs further, thrusting her hips back, encouraging him. “I cannot get enough of you, my beautiful Jester, I am crazy about you, I wish I could keep you in my bed all day long and make you cum over and over again, that’s it, so good for me, Jester, cum for me, what a _good girl-_ “

Jester clenched around his arcane hand with a cry, and Caleb fingered her through it, enjoying the view and the powerful feeling of having made her cum with his hands behind his head. Gradually, her panting slowed and she looked up at him with so much adoration his heart wanted to stop. Caleb removed his fingers gently and brought the hand up to his mouth. Not breaking eye contact, he licked her slick off the fingers, savoring the earthy, sweet taste of her, like fresh basil and juicy summer melons.

Jester climbed up him and straddled him again, the pressure on his aching cock making him groan. She pulled her dress off over her head and the beautiful expanse of her blue skin, her curves, her freckles, her ample breasts, took his breath away. Caleb had the feeling he could see this every day for the next hundred years and it wouldn’t stop taking his breath away.

“What can I do for you, _Schatz_?” he asked, bringing himself up onto his elbows to kiss her. He took her breasts in his hands and circled her nipples with his thumbs. “Tell me what you want.” Jester crossed her arms over her chest and made an exaggerated pout.

“I thought I was supposed to be making _you_ feel good. If I recall, I said that I was the one driving this cart now, _nein_?” Jester teased, and the sound of his native language on her lips sent both a wave of arousal to his cock and a rush of affection to his chest.

“You have made me feel good,” he insisted, but Jester drew his hands up over his head, sending another ache to his leaking cock, and bit his earlobe.

“Why don’t you tell me what _you_ want, Mister Widogast?” Caleb moaned and arched up into her touch.

“Well,” he said, trying to regain his composure. “Since you asked, I would very much like for you to ride me.” Jester had that same sly smile on her face and ground her hips down, her wet cunt sliding over his flushed, needy cock. He grabbed her hips and gasped. “ _Please_ , Jester, I need to be inside you.”

Caleb sent his mage hand to retrieve another potion from his nightstand. He tried to sit himself up, butJester took the potion from the spectral hand and uncorked it herself.

“Keep your hands where they are,” she ordered and he felt a shudder go through him.

“Whatever you say, Frau Lavorre.”

She put a hand under his head, tipped it up so he wouldn’t choke, and poured the potion into his mouth. He kept his eyes on her, barely feeling the liquid slide down his throat, and she gave him a peck before dropping his head on the pillow again.

Jester teased him again, grinding her cunt over him, and it took all his willpower to not just thrust up into her. Jester bit her lip and lifted herself up, sinking down onto his cock with a needy moan that he feared might be just a _little_ too loud. After giving herself a moment to adjust to the stretch, Jester began riding him in earnest, her slick dripping down his cock and making him ache to touch her, if her hand weren’t pinning his wrists to the bed.

Caleb was enthralled, the pleasure of her tight heat wrapped around him nothing short of bliss, arousal burning in his belly watching her breasts bounce, her thoroughly fucked out expression. Jester whined and brought her tail around to keep his wrists pinned. Her hands now free, Jester sat upright on his cock, palming her breasts. Caleb thought she lookedlike an absolute goddess. He still had his mage hand up, though his concentration was hanging on by a very slim thread, and he brought it around to the patch of dark blue curls between her legs. When Jester saw the hand she keened with desire and Caleb slid it between them to rub at her clit. Jester arched back and rode faster, and the sounds coming out of her, coming from her dripping wet cunt, were so fucking hot, he could feel his orgasm threatening. On her next thrust, Jester ground down onto his base, putting delicious pressure on his balls, and the mage hand disappeared, his focus totally lost. Jester whined in frustration and pulled her tail back.

“ _Touch me, Cayleb_ , gods, fuck -“

Caleb dipped his fingers into her heat and massaged her clit, sitting himself up part of the way so his cock hit that angle in her just right. When he began to cant his hips up into her, he knew he didn’t have long, and when Jester leaned down to purr in his ear,

“Yes, Cayleb, yes, I love the way you feel inside me, you know exactly how I like it, you know how to please me, you’re so _good_ , fuck, Cayleb, fill me up, please, I want you to cum so bad, _cum for me-_ “

-Caleb lost it, wrapping his arms around her and crying out, face buried in her cleavage. He saw only stars for a moment and felt his orgasm explode inside Jester, hot and wet, and she shuddered against him, gushing over his cock.

Caleb brought her in for a kiss, still panting and trembling, and she responded with gusto. Jester rolled off him onto her side and sighed contentedly. Sleep overtook him quickly and he awoke groggily an hour later, in Jester’s embrace, one leg thrown over his stomach.

“Well you’ll definitely have some laundry to give to Nott,” she teased, eyeing the wet spot on the sheets where, between his cum and hers, she had leaked out a bit in her sleep. He chuckled and pulled her close, laying kisses on her forehead.

“I love you,” he murmured.  
  
“I love you too,” she sighed. He still couldn’t quite accept that this was real, that he wasn’t going to wake up in bed alone, having dreamed the whole thing.

~~~

Caleb felt like he spent more time in his bed over the next week than he had since they moved into the Xhorhaus. The rest of the Nein seemed to notice that they saw less of the pair, but said nothing if they had suspicions. Beau, of course, knew everything, and kept Jester’s cover when the tiefling snuck back to their room in the early hours of the morning.

For the first time in years, Caleb was sleeping peacefully. He chalked it up to exhaustion; since they had become a couple, Jester was almost insatiable, with the enthusiasm of someone for whom sex was new, and he couldn’t say he minded. But he knew that having the woman he loved, knowing she loved him too, curled up in his arms every night brought a measure of stillness to his soul that couldn’t be attributed only to orgasm.

It wasn’t long before the Nein was called away on their next task. Caleb was sad that he and Jester would be separate until they returned to the Xhorhaus, but they hadn’t yet talked about how to bring up their relationship to the rest of the group.

After four days on the road, they decided to stay overnight in Hupperdook, in their usual inn, to get sleep in real beds before continuing on the road the next morning. Their little family enjoyed nights in town after being on the road, and Caleb relished in the warmth of sitting in the midst of the chaos. Beau and Caduceus were arm-wrestling, Jester was dealing cards and Fjord was pouring shots for himself and Nott for the drinking card game the two had invented.

When the organist struck up a waltz, Jester reached out and put her hand on Caleb’s arm.

“Cayleb, want to dance with me?”

This time, he put up no hesitation.  
  
“Ja, I would love to, Blueberry.”

Nott and Fjord gave each other meaningful glances, which Caleb saw out of the corner of his eye, but he couldn’t care about anything in the world other than the beautiful, bubbly blue tiefling that had his heart.

Caleb slid his arm around Jester’s waist more comfortably now that her body was familiar to him. He guided her around the room, basking in the glow of her smile. When Jester spun, he wrapped both arms around her waist to pull her in, bringing her close for a slow, loving kiss. She put her arms around his neck and leaned in. Amidst the clattering of tankards and at least two members of the Nein shouting, “I KNEW IT!”, he didn’t care who saw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for coming on this kind of ridiculously long journey with me for my first foray back into fic writing! I've really enjoyed the time I've spent with these two fools and your feedback has been really encouraging. I would love to hear what you thought of the whole arc now that it's complete.
> 
> If anyone has suggestions for which ship my next fic should tackle, comment below! I'm already hard at work thinking about what's next... <3 Thanks everyone!


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